I know I’m going to get a certain amount of criticism for this post and maybe some of it is deserved but I am at my wits end with my situation as it stands and something has to change but getting DH to see this is hard work.
We met in 2017, but I was living elsewhere at the time. By the time 2020 rolled around, we planned to move in together and I was starting to apply for jobs, then lockdown happened. We aren’t young so decided to try for a baby and to my surprise got pregnant at the first attempt. DS was born early 2021, DH was working from home and had been for some time and as it turned out it was to be another two years or so before things went fully back to ‘normal.’ In that time, I found a job which I started when DS was nine months, we got married and bought another house together and had another baby. DS and the baby (DD) are now four and 19 months; I work three days a week. All should be perfect.
Except DH has always left parenting largely to me and the house. This was kind of manageable with one but with two and especially now DD is a toddler an has her own opinions … it’s a struggle and both kids together is a lot of work. Today I took them out for the morning and we were out until two o clock; left at half nine so DH had a good four hours of alone time but then he always seems to need more, he has to do this, something urgent in the house or garden must be done. But I just have to do housework around the children or when they’re in bed.
Money is a massive source of stress and I’m endlessly criticised for not having enough, for spending too much, I get endless ‘jokey’ comments about how I’ve bankrupted him and we’re on the verge of ruin.
I think he massively resents me and the children. He says he doesn’t but his actions say different.
I try to speak to him about it and he is either apologetic and things change for a bit but then they go back. It’s often hard pulling him up in the exact moment as a lot of the time it’s only looking back I realise I’ve been made a mug of, like today for instance, we were out in the morning then DH took DS to Costco for a couple of hours (they got stuck in traffic) and has now vanished again to do something urgent so I’ve had to do tea, bath and bed for both children. And yes I should have said ‘WTF are you doing and why didn’t you do it this morning?’ But I didn’t.
I’m fed up with being the only parent all the time. The ridiculous thing is DH thinks he does a lot!