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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH taking it out on us when he’s not well

4 replies

Buthow92 · 08/03/2025 15:51

DH has got worse with being snappy over the years when he’s in pain or unwell. He takes it out on me and now the young kids. This week he’s had a trapped nerve in his neck which I understand is unbearably painful but everything I say or do, or the kids do make him winge, moan and be awful to be around. For example, I am very heavily pregnant and struggle to take kids out now alone, one is 3 and a runner. He’s off work today and I’m home with the kids and they’re acting up a bit. He’s taken them on a big walk earlier which I didn’t agree with because he’s in pain and I knew he’d pay later but let him get on with it. Since getting home from the walk, He’s being an absolute grump and snapping left right and centre. I don’t like how he’s speaking to us and I told him to just get out and go to his mums where she will put up with it. AIBU ?

OP posts:
Modernskylines · 08/03/2025 15:54

He’s off work
he took them for a big walk earlier (bit foolish)
just send him off to bed. He’s in pain and being a pain in the arse because of the pain. So better off in bed

HardenYourHeart · 08/03/2025 15:56

LTB!

You and the kids are not an emotional punching bag for him to take his pain and frustrations out on (nor is his mom, but that's not your problem). If the roles were reversed, do you think he would accept you snapping at him all the time? Furthermore, think of what this teaches your kids. If they are in pain they will learn to snap at the first person trying to help them. People will not treat them kindly if they do and the reactions they will get will be entirely understandable.

takeitbacknowyo · 08/03/2025 16:00

Fuck that. It doesn't sound like a one off and if he's that bad he should be out the way for good if it was me.

JFDIYOLO · 08/03/2025 16:30

You need help.

He's is a lot of pain which can trigger nasty behaviour. He's anxious about it and trying to manage children too. He probably needs rest and quiet to heal, and not to try to drum up the alertness he needs to manage them.

You're heavily pregnant and can't do what you could do before. Both these are temporary.

Can you get help?

Help in the house, help with the kids.

Grandparents, home help, au pair?

Stop piling all this on yourselves, you're neither of you in a fit state for this.

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