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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Missing Fathers Day and Birthday

9 replies

Breazy1988 · 08/03/2025 13:45

My husband is planning to miss Father’s Day and his 40th birthday party this year for a bachelor party. It’s for a friend he’s known for 1 year. We have 3 children, and when he leaves we will be 6 weeks from our due date. We have gone 4-6 weeks early with all 3 of our children. The party is 10 hours away for 4 days. He says he’s compromising and going for 3.

Im feeling like he is neglecting us to go party. I’m normally fine with bachelor parties. Hes attendant two others during this pregnancy, just not when he’s missing important things and when we are so close to the due date.

I told him I don’t think it’s a good plan, he keeps saying we will decide closer to the time. I’d never miss Mother’s Day or a big birthday for an acquaintance bachelorette party. In fact, I’m missing my best friends bachelorette party in May because I don’t think I’ll be up for attending.

its so frustrating feeling neglected. This is definitely our last baby because this man has changed and im not ok with him.

OP posts:
MaltipooMama · 08/03/2025 14:52

Sorry OP I don't really have much helpful advice but just wanted to say I would feel exactly the same as you, I really wouldn't be happy with this at all. My partner decided not to go away for his best friend's wedding in 2023 and that was 3 months before my due date, but he was worried about not being there if the baby was premature. I know you said you told your partner that you don't think it's a good idea, but have you explained all the reasons why and the fact that based on your previous pregnancies that this baby may well come whilst he's away? I really do think it's incredibly selfish, not to mention it can't be easy already looking after three children alone whilst heavily pregnant. I'm sorry you're in this position!

2chocolateoranges · 08/03/2025 18:47

O dear, I was away on a girls weekend on our wedding anniversary once, I hope my dh didn’t resent me on the day.

i wouldn’t mind dh going away over special days apart from the children’s birthdays but the fact he’s going away so close to your due date and you’ve gone early with your previous children is pretty selfish and irresponsible to me.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 08/03/2025 19:00

I think you're right to be concerned about being close to your due date but I don't understand the rest. If he's not bothered about missing father's day or his own birthday then why are you?
You can always celebrate them on a different day if you really want to but they're 'his' days.

Gravytanned · 08/03/2025 19:24

Yeah the due date worry I can understand but not missing his birthday or Father's Day. He gets to choose how he celebrates his birthday, surely?

Hoppinggreen · 08/03/2025 19:27

If he wants to go away for Fathers Day or his birthday then thats up to him BUT he shouldn't be buggering off so close to your (singular) due date

Completelyjo · 08/03/2025 19:29

I don’t think you can really moan about him missing his own birthday or Father’s Day! They are supposed to be about him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/03/2025 19:30

You're soon to have 4 children with a child. He thinks his life should carry on as always. And you've facilitated it. He won't change.

GreyAreas · 08/03/2025 19:37

I think be really clear, 'I will be heavily pregnant, anxious and exhausted, so as we have 3 kids, you'll need to take the strain those days. Even if it was your best bud it just isn't a viable plan'.

Icantcontinuetodothis · 08/03/2025 20:36

I'd leave him. I really would. Fuck that.

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