Not classed as family

[FTS2025]

H and I had an argument last night as he wants to use all of our annual leave to go 'home' to see his family who live a short plane journey away. I said I'd like to split our holidays between visiting them and going other places. When I reminded him that we (me and our 2 DC) are his family too, his reply was, 'no'.

Anyone else have this point of view or am I right in thinking we're just not that important to him?

Is English your DH's first language?

It's an odd response either way of course you are family but I've known friends married to European men get a similar response

Yes, he's British by birth and heritage. No cultural reason for his response.

Agree that's a strange response does he mean "no, you aren't my family" (factually inaccurate)? Or "no, you can't use that argument to get your own way with holidays"?

Either way, I agree with you that you need to split the holidays between fun stuff and family visits. We have to do this with my dad and siblings who are in Ireland. If we did every holiday visiting them I think I'd go bonkers and it wouldn't be fair on my husband and kids at all

Then I’d be thoroughly irritated. I would refuse also based on the fact I wouldn’t want to spend all my holiday with his family.

Sorry OP that's a really strange thing to say. I can't possibly know what he means by that, did he give you any explanation?

Is you relationship normally ok? It's odd he thinks of somewhere else as home.

I realise in my previous post I said European, I meant continental European so apologies for missing that out

His 'no' was definitely about us being family.

Did you ask him what are you and the kids are to him then, if not family?

So, he’s British born and bred and his parents have since moved to Spain or somewhere? And he wants to use your holiday allowance to go to them? And that’s it?

Yeah, no. I wouldn’t be doing with that.

I responded by asking him to clarify that he doesn't see us as family and he said, 'I never said that', but he did. That was his immediate response which tells me that we're an afterthought. I understand the want to spend time with family but he doesn't seem to be considering us, just himself. He's lived here for half of this life now, he was already here when I met him so it's not like I dragged him away. He's also lost a family member recently and has blamed me that he hadn't seen them more which I think is disgusting. He's obviously hurting but I'm not going to allow him to make me his emotional punchbag.

It sounds like there is a lot going on for your family right now.

It is absolutely unfair to lash out blaming you, it's his choice to go visiting or not. I can completely understand why it's really upset you.

It's unfair of him to expect you to use up all your annual leave on visiting his family although his wanting to spend all his visiting family is understandable as well. Are there ways you can split your time there visiting places while being nearby his family? Or is that not feasible?

Oh well, he will be able to spend much more time with his 'real' family when you divorce him.