Should I stay or should I go

[cass2302]

Please be kind. I have been in a 2.5 year tenuous relationship with the man I love, but think I should leave. I will fill you in briefly. We met online. He has 29 and 27 year old daughters and 2 grandchildren. I broke up with him a year into our relationship as he cancelled important dates and outings with me cause his daughters 'needed' him. I am a reasonable person; however, these dates were organised for the anniversary of my mum's death and for my son's birthday. The reasons he cancelled were to babysit, so his daughter and partner could go out for dinner. He would also come to my place, but all of sudden get up and leave after a phone call from his daughter (who still lives with him) so he could put her dinner or lunch in the oven. This also occurred one evening when we were out for dinner he got up and left to pick his daughter up from the train station. We live in a very safe area so her safety wasn't compromised and it was only 9pm. After a number of these last minute cancellations and rescuing episodes I broke up with him as he couldn't put our relationship above the needs of his adult children and I started to feel like I wasn't valued.

After 3 months of being apart, with not contact, my decision, he reached out and asked me to go back to him. I told him I couldn't cause things wouldn't change. He promised me they would and created a fanciful future that lured me back in. The fanciful future didn't eventuate and his daughter's demands didn't abate.

About 6 months ago he took me to a beautiful restaurant and said he wanted to move in with me. He told me he loved me and said he couldn't live without me. I was happy and said I would love that. When we arrived back to my house he told me he would pack a bag and move in. He also said he would tell his 27 year old daughter. When he returned it was written all over his face. He told me he couldn't move in cause his daughter didn't think it was a good idea. I told him immediately to leave me and never contact me again. The roller coaster of that day still hits hard.

Same old, same old.... a few months after that episode he reached out and stupidly I went back to him. Please any positive, constructive advice would be useful.

Stop being used, and find your dignity.

There is nothing in this relationship for you. You are completely incompatible.

Bin him and move on.

I dated a man once whose adult daughters expected him to jump everything they snapped their fingers. The final straw for me was when he left my house on my birthday because his 30 year old phoned up crying that she couldn’t find her car keys.

Get out and stay out OP - you will always come a long way firm his priority list. The daughters know exactly what they’re doing - don’t waste any more time

The most positive thing you can do for yourself Op is to break up and stay that way. He can't see that his DDs are adults and shouldn't rely on him for every little thing, nor can he seem to say no to them. No matter what he says this isn't going to work out for you

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Never settle for a poor relationship, let alone a tenuous one. This was always going to be a disaster from the beginning. Don’t waste any more time on him ever again.

Block him and never contact him again. Do not be his fallback lady.

He will always put his daughters first out of guilt of leaving their mum and they are just as enmeshed with him. They say jump and he says how high.

Read about future faking and love bombing as he’s done both here.

Read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood. love your own self for a change.

Find another partner who isnt dancing to his (grown up) kids tune. The first time would have been enough for me.