Am I too old school?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Was talking to a guy. He believes relationships are 50/50. While I agree in some cases. I think in early stages men should be perusing tje woman not the other way around. He moaned saying I don’t ask for calls and he has to or I don’t ask certain question and he feels he has to. Personally I find that too convoluted but also I just think men should be the ones making the effort.

Ffs it's 2025 not 1970 🙄

Course it should be 50=50

There’s no right or wrong but your views on dating aren’t compatible so you’re flogging a dead horse.

I think effort works both ways and it’s not just on the man to do the work

Why do you think men should be making more effort than women ?

That's just odd.

I don't know about 'old school'. I'm retired, and I very much felt equal to anyone I dated back in the day.

How old are you @ThePerkyCoralPoet ?

Yes men should do the pursuing. Apparently they need to feel they have ‘won’ something so I guess it’s hardwired to some hunting instinct.

What's the bit on questions? Regardless of views on who takes the lead, conversation should be balanced, both interesting and interested.

I thought this in the 90s and dumped the twats that didn't.
Hence I have a husband that does do everything 50 50 and this isn't some throwback.
Chuck him back in the cesspit.

Fuck that. That's how to end up with a tosspot.

In what ways does he believe relationships should be 50/50, though? Is he up for doing 50% of the housework? Childcare? Mental load?

Also, ‘pursuing’. Not ‘perusing’. That means something entirely different.

Personally, I'd be keen to have a voice in any relationship I was involved in. If you are quietly expecting the man to initiate everything, you're left saying, I don't want this or that. Not, let's do this or that, or this is what I want and need.

By ‘old school’ do you mean ‘reactionary and essentialist’?

If you want an old-school relatioship now, don't moan when you have an old-school relationship in 10 years' time.

If a man was pursuing me one sided it would mean I wasn't really interested. If I'm interested it would be 50/50.

I think you’re better off finding a Neanderthal hunter gatherer type that you’ll be posting in a year or so takes you for granted, doesn’t understand you or listen to you.

If a man is prepared to put in half the effort then he’s a rare find indeed, especially if he can maintain this. He needs someone who appreciates this.

You’re not compatible so this isn’t going anywhere.

You don't sound "old school" you sound ridiculous.

You’re not compatible, OP. Let him find someone happily on his wavelength. That’s not you. You are, however, only likely to find misogynists (of varying degrees) who subscribe to your mentality.

I'd want to know what he meant by 50/50, because all too often men are very selective in their interpretation of this, ensuring it works in their favour.

You see it here all the time, men insisting on 50/50 split of bills yet doing fuck all at home because they're 'tired' or 'need their downtime'. Yet the woman has to step up, work full time or almost full time, contribute 50/50 financially + 100% of everything else. Selective equality, and yet another thing that men have taken and manipulated to their own advantage. Women are so afraid of being labelled a gold digger that they fall over themselves to contribute, without stopping to think what the man is contributing.

That said, in the dating stage I always split the bill/pay for myself. I don't know the man and he doesn't owe me anything. But I would watch a man who was very vocal about so-called '50/50'.

I'm in my 60s but I find your attitude old fashioned and odd. If I were dating I want someone who is my equal, a partner, someone to share with. That sounds like 50-50 to me. In the early stages I'd expect us to be equally interested in each other and therefore asking each other questions.

I'd expect to be sharing, so that would be bills for meals or trips out, as well as sharing interests and ideas about things to do.

It soon becomes obvious if he's the one who is 'old fashioned' (wouldn't do for me) or if 50-50 means I'll end up doing all the work in a relationship (another no-go).

I can't make out what you're looking for but you expecting to be pursued is a bit strange.

I have to admit in my OLD days any man calling himself an ‘old school gent’ or the like was an immediate swipe left as to me that translates to outdated misogynist who wants a woman to wipe his arse and know her place.

Im nearly 60 and I want matching effort. I don’t want to be chased or pursued,

We are in an age, rightfully so, where respectful men have to be cautious in not making unwanted advances and manoeuvres; thats a good thing. So on this issue l think in early days, it should be female led 60:40. Things can level out as time goes on.

With relationships being unstable and transient, it's 50/50...

The word pursuing makes me think of lions chasing gazelles - very primitive

Why should he make more effort than you? Are you just lazy ?

Well I'm not a prey animal so I don't need to be "chased".

Effort when dating should be 50-50; both parties should be making an effort regarding communication, arrangements and effort.

No way I choose I persue or not

Happy International Women’s Day…

If he's already moaning & complaining at this early stage about what you do and don't do, then you are clearly unsuited to one another.