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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

17 years together

3 replies

Mich90 · 07/03/2025 21:37

Good evening everyone I’m in need of advice on what to do.. iv been with my partner 17 years we have 1 child aged 9.
we have been through so much as a couple.. IVF journeys, most recent (last 2 years ) We became homeless for many months. I became depressed fed up etc you can imagine. We ended up living at my grandads then onto my aunties.. We finally got into a new property 3 months ago. This should be our happy time now finally not living here & there. But I’m finding we constantly are arguing. I don’t enjoy his company, His a very hard work person, He moans about everything & anyone. Nothing makes him happy… His fallen out with everyone on his side of the family! Fallen out with my 2 sisters.. I don’t really have friends now living in a new area. I constantly feel low & Iv finally realised it’s him… But I can’t leave 1 I have nothing I’ll walk out the door & then what??? Car is in his name our house is in both our names. We have been through so much in life together why waste it is all I say to myself.. but I can’t handle the egg shells around him, What moods he going to be in.. talking to me like S@!T and I use to bite my tongue so much.. but I don’t no I stand up for my self & I think this is why it seems we’re arguing a lot more!! I just keep picturing myself in my own home with my daughter. We even arguing where a plant pots going!!! It’s got that bad!! Also what plays on me is he has a health condition I do his medication/ hospital appointments.. If I leave he will have no one but him self & our daughter!! We are together all day every day.. He may go gym 1 hour a day but that’s it!! But this isn’t anything new we have always been together!! I’m just finding it hard too like him as a person anymore. I look at him with hate not love. We meet each other when I was 17 I’m now 34 his 42. He is all Iv known.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 07/03/2025 21:40

You can leave. It’s always possible. It’s a horrible and damaging environment for your daughter to be living in, leave for her even if you’re finding it hard to think you’re worth more. Change is always hard but so is a life wasted in misery and resentment.

Do you rent or own? Does either of you work? What do you need in place to get you out of there?

Mich90 · 07/03/2025 21:45

We went to the council for housing we have a lovely new build house in a quiet area. He doesn’t work any more due to his illness and I’m as his carer. I remember 4/5 years talking to his mother I need too leave him! But look 5 years later I’m still here!! I know he loves me and I did love him once a pon a time! But I think honestly I’m going to end up having a break down.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2025 01:23

So I’ll say it again, what’s the impact on your child of staying in this awful situation? For more than half of her life you’ve been miserable. Housing can be sorted, he’ll have to find other ways of coping. You’re not married, you’re legally two single people who currently live together. You can find work and one of you can find a new home. What are you going to do?

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