Am I being unfair?

[lc2471]

Been with my partner for a couple of years. He has kids, I have kids. We see each other for about half of the week. On the face of it we have a good life- holidays, days out etc. But he has been very stressed with work for a long time. And he can be extremely stroppy and unreasonable for what feels like no reason (although it’s always attributed to work). His strops can go on for days and he is spiky and difficult to appease. Over the last seven days, he has thrown 4 massive strops to the point where it’s impacting my mental health. I’ve asked him to seek help from his GP as I am at my limit and not sure if I can take anymore. I know that sometimes managing mental health can be really difficult, and I feel like I’m being unkind by having had enough- should I just keep plugging away and being supportive, or am I doing the right thing trying to protect myself ?

So, does he throw these massive strops at work, it does he save them just for you?
For your own sake, I think you have to let him know, that you will not be his (metaphorical) punching bag, and he needs to sort his shit out, it it's over.

You don’t need to just put up with this. He needs to understand that it’s ok to have bad days and negative thoughts and feelings however it’s the way we handle them.

He needs to be able to vocalise why he’s in a bad mood, talk it through and separate the issue from his home life so it’s not causing an ongoing impact to you and your relationship.

If being with someone is chipping away at you tell them. Calmly. And listen carefully to their response to your concerns. If you get more of the same just for asking and trying to explore solutions, they're giving you an insight into what your future together will look like going forward. In which case I'd have to call quits. Deep down you know how you truly feel.

@Hadalifeonce he seems to be mostly ok at work.

@Signsandwonders this is a good points. I've only been met with further stroppy behaviour when attempting to discuss things, don't know if this is symptomatic of someone close to the edge, or just someone who will always be difficult!

It would seem to me that if he’s not like this at work then he can control it. Maybe he needs to learn healthier coping mechanisms and spend a bit more time on de-stressing and self care so he doesn’t have these explosive outbursts? That’s not very fair on you and I would imagine if the children are also around him, it might be distressing for them too. It’s probably not a very good example he’s setting for them either. You say it’s affecting your mental health and you need to prioritise that over his need for support because you have children to care for as well.

Dating him is meant to make your life easier and fun. That's the entire point.
He's using you as an emotional punchbag, since he can control himself at work you know he's actively choosing to cause you distress.

Dump him and enjoy life, no argument needed, just tell him you're no longer attracted to him and dating him is not enjoyable.
If your kids are around him it's absolutely not in their best interests to be exposed to an angry man.

This is my thought whenever I read about a partner being moody / grumpy / emotionally abusive. They can control their emotions around their friends and colleagues, which means they're choosing to treat their loved ones like shit.

Tell him to rein it in or you're walking. Life's too short to have your mental health compromised.

(I utterly despise angry, stonewalling men who have women and children around them walking on eggshells. I was made to endure such nonsense in my childhood and it's damaged me.
Only accept excellent, intelligent, feminist, functional men in to you life)

@Garlicgarlicgarlic the stonewalling! So tedious and destructive. I hate it.

I think you know what you have to do.

The fact that he doesn't behave this way in every setting just means he chooses to behave this way with you.
That alone is reason enough to end the relationship.
He doesn't care about how his behaviour is impacting you. He cares when his behaviour could negatively impact himself, f.e. getting fired from his work or losing a friend because of it. He doesn't care to control himself, because he knows he can get away with it and you'll still be here. Time to show him how wrong he is to take you for granted.