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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

found out my ex ( farther of my child) is cheating on the women he left for with a man and he was doing it to me when we was together

7 replies

mumonherown · 05/03/2025 14:15

as the title says , last night i was shown proof my ex ( the father of my child ) has been cheating on the younger woman he left me for with men and women . and he was doing this behind my back as well ,for a long time with men , women ,trans , im not here to judge . i just need to vent it as I can not open up and talk to family or friends as it would come out to the people around him and its not my place to out him . the person who had shown me proof is the only one that i have spoken to about this .
i feel angry already with how he left me and broke my heart , he had lied to everyone around us and said he had never cheated and he had not been in a relationship with myself for meany years . im angry with how i have been left to be a single mum with no help from him or support , and only at the most seeing the child 1-2 days every 7-10 days .
im struggling with income , with the parenting load . whilst he gets to run off care free on holidays , date nights , making a show to every one that the woman he left me for is the love of his life . and im the one thats left to pick up the broken parts of mine and my childs life .
to now find out that the meany years we had been together , he had been using a online site and meeting people of all genders and cheating on me , not only do i feel disrespected , betrayed , i feel this man had no care over all them years that he was putting me without my knowing at risk of getting an sti , as the proof shown to me,showed he had not used protection with every meet that had been shown on the profile .
the person that had shown me proof also had found out someone that the ex had been in contact with , said he had got an sti and its not the first time since his been with the new girlfriend that his got an sti.
i feel like the new girlfriend has not been told about this and dose not know she may have an sti . i cant contact her as im blocked and dont really want to have this on my doorstep .
im shocked with all this , shocked that his been sleeping with other married men and women for years and it was not just the one time with the new girlfriend he had left me for .
shocked that his in to cross dressing . each to their own ,do what you like . but i just do not agree with lying , living a double life and hurting others , because you are to scared to be your true self . sorry this was long i just really needed to vent it out somewhere .im so angry already with everything he has already put me and my child through now to see proof he had been doing it for years to me now to another and with all the crap i have had from him the showing off his done making it loudly known to all that i was never his person , but the new girlfriend is , when its all lies and his using her like he did me so no one will know his other life he lives . and the cost to keep it hidden is the people he claims he loves deeply and cares about , when he dose not care nor love anyone but his selfish self .

OP posts:
EveryKneeShallBow · 05/03/2025 14:28

Just be grateful that none of this is your problem any more.

Dweetfidilove · 05/03/2025 14:34

Presumably she knew he was sexually incontinent, sso let them figure their relationship out.

Be glad you're rid of the filthy bastard.

mumonherown · 05/03/2025 16:23

Dweetfidilove · 05/03/2025 14:34

Presumably she knew he was sexually incontinent, sso let them figure their relationship out.

Be glad you're rid of the filthy bastard.

sorry you have me puzzled with the sexually incontinent part ????

OP posts:
mumonherown · 05/03/2025 16:35

EveryKneeShallBow · 05/03/2025 14:28

Just be grateful that none of this is your problem any more.

im grateful his not my problem any longer . just feel angry and hurt that he done it to me for years , fleeing like it was a joke to him and just one big lie .

plus the anger i feel for him stepping out from being a dad just to put the new girlfriend and his time to meet others for a leg over .

OP posts:
MagicalMystical · 05/03/2025 16:52

Ugh, you must feel rubbish having been told this and not having anywhere to vent in real life.

One thought - it would be sensible to get yourself booked for an STI health check to ensure he didn’t give you anything during your time together.

mumonherown · 05/03/2025 17:07

MagicalMystical · 05/03/2025 16:52

Ugh, you must feel rubbish having been told this and not having anywhere to vent in real life.

One thought - it would be sensible to get yourself booked for an STI health check to ensure he didn’t give you anything during your time together.

it had already made me feel not good enough when he left me for a younger woman , but to find out he had done it with anyone and everyone all through the years together has made me feel like poo .
i had a test done days after finding out he had cheated and left for a younger woman , due to not knowing if she was safe with who ever she had been with between sleeping with a taken man . thank god i was clear . only thing i had trouble with for a year during and after being together was my ph was off . after he left and i no longer had sexual contact it went back to normal.
its driving me crazy i can not say something to him about his poor treatment to me and how his treating our child , also found out when seeing the proof that one of his with another man was dated at a time he had our child over night he had left our child early hours with a family member to go hookup with another man

OP posts:
VivienneBL · 05/03/2025 18:19

He sounds totally messed up - not from who he decides to sleep with but that he cheats on whoever he is with and clearly has no respect for himself or anyone else.
You are the winner because you have your child and no matter how hard it is , you can hold your head high and continue to conduct yourself with dignity and being a great parent. All that he is doing does not sound healthy or like he is a happy, secure person . So forget what he is doing and focus on yourself .

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