Men vs women

[Crosswind22]

My hubby has gotten into the habit of saying "I've been at work all day" when I've asked him to do something specific like prepare the salad for the dinner I'm cooking.

I too work full time, am 8 months pregnant, do nursery drop off and pick up and most of the house work. We also have a two year old.

He will pick up house work now and again and I don't usually compare what we do. I do prefer to clean and do washing etc because I do it better (maybe I'm the problem here). He will pick this up if I've been too tired but will go on and on and on about how he goes "above and beyond". How do I stop myself from placing a pillow over his face tonight? 😅

Another thing is sometimes one of us may not get to shower until little one is in bed and it's usually myself but I can accept this! The odd time it happens to him it's like the end of the world.

I'm taking holiday next week for about a month before Mat kicks in and feel this will get worse. Any tips on how to address this attitude of his? I'm building resentment more and more every day and actually developing an attitude myself and some stubbornness which is coming out by doing MORE housework and commenting on how he works all day so shouldn't need to do it... It's complete sarcasm obviously...

Your stock response should be "so have I [been at work all day] so please do your share"

If he protests further, I would stop what I'm doing, and ask him very seriously "why do you think you don't have to your fair share?"

And if I had to spell out fair shares to him with tables and graphs and pie charts I'd think about leaving the lazy git.

did he want another child? I presume so

so say “do you think any of this is going to get easier with a second child?”

whilst children are babies/toddlers you, as parents, do what they need first, which is love, food, satiety, clean clothes, working house, your showers, down time, relaxing on the couch, exercise, nights out with friends are great IF they happen. And a house needs money, children need things which cost.

he agreed and helped bring these people into the world he has to pay, in time and money, for these choices.

what else is there to say really?

Boils my blood reading this because my husband says similar stupid shit.

Have a massive proper conversation about it and force him to explain what he means - every single time. You've been at work all day - why are you telling me this?

He doesn't respect you and it will get worse when you take maternity leave.

You could divvy up chores eg:

Take it in turns to prepare dinner
Person who doesn't cook cleans up
Take it in turns to put child to bed
Other person cleans up
One person meal plans
The other shops
One person washes clothes
Other person puts them away

You get the idea but I don't fancy your chances.

What he means is, you’re the woman therefore every job within the domestic sphere is yours, and he generously helps you out even though he’s been at work all day.

It’s irrelevant that you have also been at work all day, and that you’re growing a human inside you. You’re a woman and so you need to step up and woman better, so that he can man up and relax.

You need to read some Zawn Villines. Your husband is literally stealing your energy and time

zawn.substack.com/p/we-just-have-different-standards

I'd be super sarcastic!
Oh my god, you're telling me that after a full days work we're not supposed to do any household tasks anymore? Why didn't anyone tell me! I must have been doing this wrong all these years.
Well, I'll be taking a long shower now. I hope our kid finds some food and gets to bed by him/herself.

My hubby has gotten into the habit of saying "I've been at work all day" when I've asked him to do something

And you respond "so have I you prick "?!

Pfftt. You've made a rod for your own back by doing all the housework and the childcare.

Have no idea why because you resent it, you've decided to do more and be passive-aggressive about it instead of confronting it directly.

Your life is about to get a whole lot harder with 2 little ones and you're bustling about at 8 months pregnant like a 1950s housewife?

Stop doing so much and insist he does half of everything.

Consider sharing parental leave instead of you using it all.

If he doesn't do things to your standard, think about which ones really matter to you and give him responsibility for others that don't matter so much to you. Accept a dip in standards in some things.