Does your partner take care of you if you are ill?

[Jazzicatz]

I am 52 and going through perimenopause, with one of the symptoms being extremely heavy periods. Yesterday I came on and throughout the night I had to keep getting up to change my pads and mooncup due to flooding. This morning around 7.30am I woke up flooded again and asked my partner to get me a towel, which he did and since this, nothing. He is working from home, hasn’t come to see if I am okay, or even offered a drink or anything, in spite of the fact I can barely move and am really weak from the blood loss. So, my question is, if you are unwell does your partner look after you?

My H certainly huffs and puffs if I'm not well somewhat. I can't say he's great

If you've lost so much blood you can barely move, maybe you need to contact your health care provider.

I'm concerned that you're weak from blood loss-do you need medical attention?

Yes we look after each other when we're ill.

Not much point really in having a romantic life partner otherwise.

Out of interest, major health problems aside, how often are people ill enough to need looking after? I often wonder this when I read threads on here.

I've felt really rough this last week I couldn't have cooked food I managed to make hot drinks but if my husband wasn't making me food when I felt like it I'd probably just be eating ham out the packet I haven't been this ill in so long

I can only speak for my own experience but honestly, not very often if we’re talking actually properly looked after rather than just sort of extra helping out. My husband was really unwell over Valentines day weekend, genuinely couldn’t get out of bed, that’s the first time he’s really needed to be looked after in probably 5 years? I was really unwell after giving birth to my daughter last year after a difficult delivery, I needed looking after then, but before that again probably 5+ years?

There’s been times in the middle where someone has had a bug or a cold/flu and we’ve needed the other to pick up the slack with dog walks, cooking, cleaning etc but I wouldn’t say that comes under being looked after!

If I'm unwell DH will pick up my share of the childcare/cooking etc. While I retreat to bed.

If he is WFH though, I wouldn't expect him to check on me during the day. He might make me a cup of tea if he was making one or ask if I wanted lunch we he was having it but he would do that if I wasn't ill and at home. I had 6 weeks signed off at the start of last year where I couldn't get out of bed. He would bring my a stash of snacks and drinks before starting work then I wouldn't hear from him most of the day - he's busy as he's working.

Yes, he absolutely would and has done. We take care of each other and make sure the other is comfortable when we're unwell. Doesn't matter if it's just a headache and we're supplying a cuppa and some chocolate. I've never had to ask and neither has DH. Would be pretty miserable, I'd say.

He would, but if he got me what I asked for at 7.30am, I wouldn't necessarily expect him to check again before lunch time.

Text him if you need something.

Mine certainly would help if needed, but for something like this might not realise I need it unless I explicitly told him: it’s not like he’s experienced this for himself. He might think to get me some chocolate or some small treat as comfort, but would like not think I need more than that.

But I’m disabled and have faced a great deal of pain and difficulty over the last year and he has been an absolute star. Soft boiled eggs and soldiers delivered to me for breakfast while I was bed-bound for 4 months, as well as other meals. He even learned how long I prefer the eggs boiled so that they were perfect for me.

He’s even away for the last few days working with our son and I’ve had a major sciatica flare in their absence. Had I asked him to come back home and look after me he would have done so. I’ve struggled on alone because I know they have to get this stuff done, even though I’m in horrendous pain and basic stuff like meals and getting to the bathroom are stupidly difficult, but he’s been checking in on me regularly to make sure I’m OK, and would have arranged for the village store to drop me supplies round if needed.

As to your current situation: talk to him and let him know what you would like in the way of support. Unless this is a bit of a pattern, I wouldn’t judge him until I had been clear about my needs and he’d explicitly ignored them. Sorry you’re feeling so rough 💐

Yes, definitely. I have cancer and Dh does everything that needs doing that I can’t do if I can’t do it that day. The school runs, the food shopping, the cooking, keeping kids quiet so I can sleep, running me around to appointments when I couldn’t drive, sorting bathtime and putting kids to bed, bringing me food or drinks in bed if I can’t get up.

But except for the co-parenting bits, I wouldn’t expect him to read my mind, I’d ask him for things if I needed them. Like he would automatically do the school run if I was unwell, but he wouldn’t make me a drink unless I asked and he wouldn’t come check on me (I mean maybe if he genuinely thought I was unconscious or something 😂), because he knows I’d say something if I needed his help.

Yes, he does. I have a medical condition which is a nightmare, and when I take to my bed he will come upstairs to check on me or he'll message me to check on me when he's at work.

I too suffer with heavy periods, I wouldn't expect him to run after me then though. I'd just deal with it, although he'd probably make me lunch and dinner..