Marriage postpartum.. what is normal?

[Chewbecca22]

2 years postpartum.. properly in the trenches in our marriage at the moment.

Our son co-sleeps as it’s the only way he gets any sleep, and I join him after his first wake - so I spend every night in his bedroom. Sometimes I don’t even make it to my bed before I’m in there. I do every wake, and always have. This is because my partner drives a HGV and needs to be rested or he could cause an accident. This is fine, and we knew it would have to be this way before we even had our son.

Bedtime takes so long - over an hour most nights and leaves us completely depleted by the end of the night, so we are tired, snappy and have nothing left. We barely talk, we just sit near each other watching shite on tv because we are too exhausted for anything else.

There is zero intimacy, and I’m fine with that. My hormones feel completely out of whack and I am on medication for depression, which has recently been raised since I have had worsening symptoms lately. There’s just such a disconnect that I’m worried for our future. My only priority is my son.

Is this normal for this long after postpartum? Or are we just in the pits and things will be better in time?

I’m sure lots of people will be along to say it’s normal but for me it wouldn’t be. Without any form of connection or intimacy you might as well just be house mates. I don’t think a relationship can survive long term as house mates.

i think it happens more than it should, doesn't mean it is right. Pills will not fix the depression. The only answer is to address the causes. Have you discussed the lack of affection with your husband? Asked why he feels that way? Completely understandable that you struggle for the energy for sex, but kisses, cuddles and other signs of affection fro him should be there. Maybe he doesn't see the reasons for lack of aex and feels rejected by you, not appreciating the level of tiredness you feel.
I understand your child being your priority, but unless there is a significant underlying health reason you need to address his sleep pattern now. The longer you leave the more damage it will do you both. He needs to learn to settle without you. You won't be able to address yout depression or other issues until you tackle this.