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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Reconnected with ex after 36 years.

7 replies

Notfeeling55 · 03/03/2025 10:40

Hi. I'm 55 now. When I was 17 I had a two year relationship that was happy, we had a great connection it was mutually respectful and the physical relationship was great.
I'd lost my dad shortly before we met, I didn't get on with my mum so I left home and lived in uni halls while studying.
Mark was in the forces and after a year and a half of being stationed near me was posted to Central America. I felt so lost when he went, I had friends but missed him so much. We were engaged.
I think with the loss of my dad I just couldn't bear being so sad about Mark being away.
Anyway, my friends were all single and encouraged me to be single too.
I ended the relationship with Mark by letter.
We bumped into each other once a couple of months later. It was very poignant. We hugged, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and we wished each other future happiness.
Fast forward 36 years his name appeared on people you may know on Facebook and I eventually sent a brief message as a blast from the past. I panicked and blocked him. A week or so later I unblocked him and we started talking. That was just over 4 months ago. We text several times each day, and have phone calls and facetime several times a week.
We both have feelings for each other, but not declared love or anything like that.
He asked to meet me (he lives elsewhere in Europe) I agreed.
So in two weeks he will fly in and we are meeting at a cafe.
I'm absolutely terrified. I dont know how I'll feel when I see him in person, or how he will feel.
I feel like this meeting will be make or break. After 4 relationships since then, all abusive or not fulfilling, I dont trust men. I do trust Mark to an extent. Our younger years relationship was a very positive experience. Guess I'm terrified of getting hurt.
Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
jsku · 03/03/2025 11:20

Good luck - 🤗🤗🤗

You are 55 now - and with life experiences. Not a teenager. So - just meet him and see.

Neither of you are the same teenagers you were back then. You had a romantic connection - but it was in another life. If anything were to work out between the two of you - you’ll need to get to know the grown up versions of each other.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/03/2025 12:46

Try to frame it as a meeting with an old friend and take the pressure off yourself.
It will actually be lovely just to catch up, and talk about times which are very precious to you.
I am sure you could then put all sorts of obstacles in the way if you wanted to. But try not to.
He is clearly prepared to make a huge effort to meet you, which is a good sign.
The only advice I can offer is to try not to drag awful past relationships into the conversation. Don’t serve up rotten food from an old bin to a fantastic meal!
Don't worry about looking older. When you meet someone at a young age, that’s what your eye recognises. It’s very forgiving.
One of my oldest friends reconnected with someone last year as you have done with Mark. They are now very happy together.
I wish you lots of luck.

HeChokedOnAChorizo · 03/03/2025 13:36

I reconnected with someone i used to go out with. We hadnt seen each other for over 30 years but were facebook friends for a good few years.

We have been together for nearly 3 years and getting married soon, so you never know it could work out.

Just take it as seeing a friend and nothing romantic about it. You will probably have a really nice time catching up.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 03/03/2025 13:58

I'm guessing you're both single, if so what's the worst thing that could happen...go and have fun

Treesinthewind · 03/03/2025 20:58

This sounds lovely ☺️

Jk987 · 03/03/2025 21:03

Don't block him again, it's awful being blocked, no closure, no nothing. Most people deserve a reason. (Unless in extreme circumstances of course)

GrannyGoggles · 03/03/2025 21:31

Meet him with minimal expectations. Or don’t meet him.

I would be very, very wary if he starts rapidly in on the thwarted life’s long dream/ always loved you/ last chance of happiness

I may be prejudiced. My oldest friend’s life was profoundly impacted by someone who resurfaced at a school reunion when she was v vulnerable. He was a shyster and nearly destroyed her

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