Boyfriend wants me to terminate pregnancy

[RANDYGILES90]

I have a previous thread about my boyfriend discussing me with his parents, for background.
We are both mid thirties, I am divorced with children, he has been single for over a decade. I have a professional career and can support my children, and an additional one without relying on him.

I'm about 9 weeks pregnant, unplanned as I have the coil in situ. My boyfriend does not want to me continue the pregnancy and has made remarks such as it's unfair that he doesn't have an equal say in the matter, and how he feels like I've lied to him as I always said I didn't want another child. He said he no longer trusts me. I have always said I didn't want another child, but it was a hypothetical situation as I was using what I thought was reliable contraception, so I didn't expect to end up pregnant. He also says that he has always wanted to have children but he gave up that idea to be with me, and now I should give up the idea of having the baby.

I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or not really, just a handhold please.

OP, you can only follow your own feelings about what you want to do.

Fairness is irrelevant.

Make your own decision based on the almost certainty of going it alone.

Do you want another child? Can you support another child? On your own?

I'm sorry that you are in this situation.
Please really, really consider how your child's life might be impacted by having a father who didn't want them, and one reacts this way towards people they love when something goes wrong. You are meant to be a team facing problems together.

It absolutely bloody does happen! I have an 11 year old to prove it along with my medical notes when it was discovered via an internal, to check for the strong then a scan to confirm and then removed by a consultant and all his students looking on. Just because something is rare does not mean it does not happen. I was also in the position of continuing to have periods with the coil in situ which is how I knew I was pregnant because my period didn't come and I tested. HTH.

*string and 12 year old

Why would you want to tether yourself and your existing children to this man and his horrible family.
These things happen and termination is there to be accessed without persecution or guilt.

exactly this

Most pregnancies that occur with the coil insitu usually miscarry post removal or so many weeks after unfortunately. So whether or not you terminate if you were to unfortunately miscarry you need to think about where your relationship is going anyways. It appears you want a child and he doesn't.

He's the over 30 year old who has never left Mummy isn't he, has never had a "proper" girlfriend before, who tells his Mum and family EVERYTHING about you and your relationship.

His Mum doesn't think you're good enough for her darling "boy" (you have said) and you're contemplating having a child by him in these circumstances?

What could possibly go right?

Why have you made another thread? Hoping for different responses?

He is absolutely no bloody use and I think it would be cruel to a child to be born into this dreadful dynamic.

I would be ending both the pregnancy and the relationship.

Put your existing children first. You don’t want to tether yourself to this odious man for the next 20 years with shared parenting, do you?

He sounds very whiny. I'd not stay with him in any event.

Decide about the baby for yourself.

Yes the could can get dislodged. No contraception is 100% guaranteed.

Meant the coil can become dislodged.

What a supremely ignorant comment. Are you male?

He may feel like you've lied to him, does that mean you discussed what would happen if you got pregnant by accident and have changed your mind?

Either way he must know people can change their mind about this and avoiding pregnancy altogether is something he has a choice in through his actions. The reliability of a coil is not in your hands so he's either stupid or more likely intentionally nasty if he's blaming you for the contraception failure.

I would ignore him in your decision making. If you choose to terminate then it needs to be 100% your choice or it may haunt you. It sounds like you want to keep the baby. If that's the case then do so, don't let him pressure you.

Absolutely this.

My sister got pregnant with a coil in. She was over 4 months before she realised because she thought she couldn't get pregnant with her coil in. She and her DH decided to keep their baby. The baby was delivered 3 weeks early and the coil too. She said the midwife had a good giggle about it.

Your body, your choice OP. If you reflect and think you'd like this baby go for it.