Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ignoring my messages

22 replies

Fedupofit1974 · 02/03/2025 17:58

I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 yrs. he is the most generous person I have ever known. But oh boy he has a big problem. Ignoring my messages if the slightest things bug him! Normally it’s when for one reason or another I can’t see him, due to work we mainly only see each other at weekends. It’s always at my house as he lives with his daughter since splitting with his ex. He’s lived with her now for about four years. We were going out one night last week when he had to work so couldn’t make it. I just presumed I wouldn’t be seeing him that weekend and told him I’d just spend cleaning my house, he then said he could come to mine the day after as he wouldn’t be working then. I told him no as I’m going to be cleaning I suppose I spat my dummy out but I was looking forward to a night out with friends. I did text him back and I did apologise and said on Sunday we could perhaps take the dog and go to the beach. I sent him three messages in total one of them asking him not to ignore me. I’ve heard nothing since . This is now about the eighth time in the two years we’ve been together that has done this. I always give in and text him but on this occasion, I’m not doing it anymore. I’ll wait to see if he contacts me if he doesn’t then the relationship is over as tempting as it is to text him I have to keep strong 💪 we are both early 60s so not kids yet he acts like a teenager. I’m too old for this crap.

OP posts:
CountryTunes · 02/03/2025 18:35

I agree OP, don't text him because he is giving you the silent treatment which is manipulative behaviour

Maitri108 · 02/03/2025 18:48

Just block him. He's a waste of space

Spooky2000 · 02/03/2025 19:11

For crying out loud. They never change, do they!? Kin'ell, there's no hope for us - to get to your 60s and still have this kind of childish crap behaviour!? Honest to god... you have my sympathies.

I keep saying that if there were more womens collective living arrangements in the UK, they'd be a helluva lot of single women living together very happily, thank you very much.

I half hope he doesn't reply tbh, so that you can get on with your life. Don't message him; we are here on MN and there are lots of groups on meetup.com which you could join so that you have companionship? I've personally found that I kept returning to shite relationships when I didn't have a lot of female support or friendships in my life. I'm keen to change that ;)

Dillydollydingdong · 02/03/2025 19:21

Give up OP! This man's manipulative and not worth all the angst!

MoominMai · 02/03/2025 19:29

Urgh! My ex used to go quiet over the phone on me just for saying I was looking forward to a daytime coffee with a girlfriend! I’m in my early 50s now having spent my 40s single due to personal trauma and it blew my mind that there was no difference in maturity between younger and older men! When he was unhappy he also would just just ghost me for the most ridiculously tame reasons including having to stay away overnight for work would trigger him into giving me the silent treatment as he was convinced I was going for a jolly and couldn’t get his head around corporate work nature (he worked in a factory). Anyway I dumped him and just wish I had some family or friends so I could just give up on men altogether! 😅

Original poster
Fedupofit1974 · 02/03/2025 20:49

Thanks for the replies. I’m fortunate I have plenty of good friend and tbh my life won’t change too much. As for him he has no friends to speak of only work colleagues and he doesn’t socialise with any of them. He lives with his daughter and I think she puts up with him for the money! I can’t see him ever moving out and getting a place of his own he’ll find his next victim and worm his way into moving in thankfully I never allowed him to move in here. He just stays most weekends.

OP posts:
RedVelvetIcing · 02/03/2025 20:54

I was with a man who would ignore me when he didn’t like something. Eventually I got used to it and used his silent treatment to detach from him and in the end I walked away.

Stop chasing him and leave him to sulk as a single person.

TealOP · 02/03/2025 22:21

Same here. My ex was the only person I’ve known who’d give me the silent treatment and it was childish and manipulative. You don’t need this in your life. I stopped second guessing whatever he thought I’d done wrong (although I knew I hadn’t done much most of the time, it was his emotional immaturity) and left. It made it easier that every time he did it he chipped away at any feelings I had, so in the end like the PP above it was easier to go. Sounds like you’re at this stage too.
Put yourself first and enjoy life without a man child holding you back.

plsd · 02/03/2025 22:44

He does sound like hard work and I def wouldn't be pandering to him.

However, are you saying you had to pretend to be cleaning as you'd been looking forward to a girls night out? Or have I mis-read?

Not that you shouldn't be having a night out with friends but just wondering why you feel the need to hide it from him? If it's because he has a issue with it then that's another massive red flag

Notahandmaid · 02/03/2025 22:53

Spooky2000 · 02/03/2025 19:11

For crying out loud. They never change, do they!? Kin'ell, there's no hope for us - to get to your 60s and still have this kind of childish crap behaviour!? Honest to god... you have my sympathies.

I keep saying that if there were more womens collective living arrangements in the UK, they'd be a helluva lot of single women living together very happily, thank you very much.

I half hope he doesn't reply tbh, so that you can get on with your life. Don't message him; we are here on MN and there are lots of groups on meetup.com which you could join so that you have companionship? I've personally found that I kept returning to shite relationships when I didn't have a lot of female support or friendships in my life. I'm keen to change that ;)

Oh my god, @Spooky2000 - it’s spooky that you wrote a post I could have written myself! I have dreamed of setting up a women’s commune for years. I joke about it to female friends and every single one has said “I want to live there!”

Sorry you are getting the silent treatment, OP. I agree with Spooky that it’s depressing that some people get older but don’t seem to mature. I know one person in her 80s and one man in his late 70s who behave like children a lot of the time, sulking and falling out with people. It seems some people don’t grow up!

Astronautstar · 02/03/2025 22:58

But you're the one who huffed. He couldn't help working and you punished him for it by refusing to see him the following day, which he clearly offered to try and appease you. I would also have had enough if you refused that.

Original poster
Fedupofit1974 · 03/03/2025 01:58

plsd · 02/03/2025 22:44

He does sound like hard work and I def wouldn't be pandering to him.

However, are you saying you had to pretend to be cleaning as you'd been looking forward to a girls night out? Or have I mis-read?

Not that you shouldn't be having a night out with friends but just wondering why you feel the need to hide it from him? If it's because he has a issue with it then that's another massive red flag

I was going out with him and some other couples the night he let me down. He told me 5 hours before we were due to go out together. He was working that night so I presumed I wouldn’t see him the following day as he would be tired that’s when I said I’d spend the day cleaning which I actually did. I have apologised though but he’s chosen to ignore my apology.

OP posts:
RedVelvetIcing · 03/03/2025 09:23

Do not fold and text again. Three (?) times is two too many.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 03/03/2025 09:28

Do not give men like this the time of day. Dump him. Someone better out there for you. Just text him and finish it.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 03/03/2025 09:29

I definitely think you're not lily white here, you could still have gone out even if he had to work, and presumably he couldn't help having to work?

He was worse though, he sounds childish and it sounds like you don't actually like him that much, so I would get rid.

Spooky2000 · 03/03/2025 09:48

Notahandmaid · 02/03/2025 22:53

Oh my god, @Spooky2000 - it’s spooky that you wrote a post I could have written myself! I have dreamed of setting up a women’s commune for years. I joke about it to female friends and every single one has said “I want to live there!”

Sorry you are getting the silent treatment, OP. I agree with Spooky that it’s depressing that some people get older but don’t seem to mature. I know one person in her 80s and one man in his late 70s who behave like children a lot of the time, sulking and falling out with people. It seems some people don’t grow up!

Show quote history

I would LOVE to do it, tbh. There's good examples here and here, though the former may not be going any more as it was 9 years ago. I've also discussed it with friends and they'd be up for it, but tbh, it never seems to go any further sadly. I think it would be a fantastic way to live.

And OMG! Look what I found! co-housing properties to buy!

Lurkingandlearning · 03/03/2025 11:06

We were going out one night last week when he had to work so couldn’t make it. I just presumed I wouldn’t be seeing him that weekend and told him I’d just spend cleaning my house, he then said he could come to mine the day after as he wouldn’t be working then. I told him no as I’m going to be cleaning I suppose I spat my dummy out but I was looking forward to a night out with friends. I did text him back and I did apologise and said on Sunday we could perhaps take the dog and go to the beach. I sent him three messages in total one of them asking him not to ignore me. I’ve heard nothing since .
Yeah, you did act like a baby. You scuppered the weekend because you were disappointed that he had to cancel a night out during the week because he had to work. So he may well have been disappointed too. Then when you realised you’d be missing out again you changed your tune.

I can see why he’s ignoring you. I couldn’t be with someone who had a strop because I had to work.

Why didn’t you go out with those friends without him?

Original poster
Fedupofit1974 · 03/03/2025 23:34

I’ll hold my hands up that I was in the wrong but I did apologise. But it’s okay for him to not let me know when he isn’t coming to my house when he says he is and I sit there all weekend waiting for him but he can’t see a problem with that. He’s done that about five times and on the one occasion when I ask him not to come to mine, he spits his dummy out big time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedupofit1974 · 03/03/2025 23:43

And I did go out that night without him and ended up having a great time 😁

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 04/03/2025 05:47

The whole relationship sounds incredibly toxic with lots of game playing.

How did it come about that on 5 occasions you have sat about waiting all weekend for him and he didn't come.

Why aren't you both communicating better?

It doesn't matter who is right or wrong this time. What matters is whether this is what you want a relationship you look like and if it isn't then just delete his messages and his number and move on.

Build up your life and make it the best it can be 🩷

FedupMumof10YearOld · 04/03/2025 06:48

Fedupofit1974 · 03/03/2025 23:34

I’ll hold my hands up that I was in the wrong but I did apologise. But it’s okay for him to not let me know when he isn’t coming to my house when he says he is and I sit there all weekend waiting for him but he can’t see a problem with that. He’s done that about five times and on the one occasion when I ask him not to come to mine, he spits his dummy out big time.

Did he find out he had to work last minute ? Or did he know for a while and only just tell you? Apology if I misread why he didn't come to yours

But tbh it sounds like you're looking for reasons to split.

If it's not working for you, time to move on.

frozendaisy · 04/03/2025 07:13

What's stopping you sending a message
"This silent treatment is childish and a form of abuse and control which is not for me. So this relationship is over."

Anyone cam be generous if others cover their housing costs. It's likely his daughter partly puts up with him because you take him off her hands every weekend.

He's not really a catch is he OP. Sounds like you could have much more fun without him. I suspect he knows this too, hence partly why he likes the apologies just to confirm you desperately want to keep him sweet.

Personally I'd have told him to do one the first time he kept me waiting with no quick message saying sorry not going to make it, will make it up to you next weekend type thing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page