Advice on what partner repeatedly saying he’s leaving

[Mumof419021985]

Hi I am a mum of 4 young children. My partner has repeatedly said he is leaving every month. When this happens he put all the finances in his account where he only has access or threatens to not pay the rent and says I need to find it from someone else. Last month he didn’t allow me money for food or essentials for the children for a few days because he said I would have to find the money from someone else and he wouldn’t help even though I begged and said I couldn’t and had nothing. Please help I know this isn’t right but he’s making me feel like everything is my fault. I’m so down x

He needs to leave.

Are these his children?

It it his house, or joint, or yours?

Probably best to just split up permenantly and take control of your own finances going forward.

Get your own bank account and move the money to that then tell him to fuck right off and when he gets there fuck off some more.

Do you have an income of your own?
Get a bank account of your own that he can't access and start building up money in that.
Start gathering information on universal credit and how to apply.
.
Prepare now to be on your own.

Hi op, ( the let them theory, mel Robbins) youtube, there's a book too , you need to see,
This is abuse you do know this right, you need support to get out of this relationship, you to know what financial support there is for you and children, have you got good family and friends to support you, WA are very good with your situation they will give advice and support with information and paper filling in for financial help / housing, stop him having this control, power over you and children,

He is abusing you and your children. Take control, manage your own money and kick him out.

Is there a particular reason why he thinks you should get money from ‘someone else’? It seems a strange thing to say.
Anyway I think you should take him at his word. Claim Universal Credit so you have some income and then when he says he’s leaving wave him goodbye.

He is a financially abusive twat.
Get your wages and/or benefits paid into a sole account in your name.
Say ta-ra to the waste of oxygen.

Because he always expects my mum to just give me money and pay for things when I don’t have it or we don’t :(

This is financial abuse. And I can guarantee this isn't the only type of abuse he inflicts on you.
Have a look at women's aid's website to look up different types of abuse. The sooner you come to the realisation that he is abusive (and will never change) the sooner you can decide enough is enough.
Might be worthwhile contacting women's aid for some support too.
You have to leave. It may be tough for a while but you will get there. Many of us on here have been in the same position and life will thrive eventually, when you get him out of your life.
Do an online benefits calculator to check what benefits you'll be entitled to when you kick him out. You can also get an advance from UC to help with costs such as rent, until the payments start coming through. And absolutely make a claim through CMS for child support if these are his children, you're entitled to that as well as support through UC.
Get things aligned and get rid 💕

Offer to help pack his bags.
Send him packing op, there are far worse things than being alone. Get rid and sort out a single claim for UC so you are rid of this awful abuser

This is absolutely financial and emotional abuse.

Please read this:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/

He does this to control you if you're getting above your place, to frighten you into doing whatever it is he wants but thinks you aren't doing. Then you do it and so on ... til the next time. It's a weapon.

Are they all his children?

Get rock solid contraception in place. ( I imagine sex is required.)

Start agreeing with him next time he does it that yes it's time he left. Talk about how and when he'll be doing it, what his plans are.

Do you feel you and the children are safe? If possible, would your mother be able to give you a place to stay?

You and your children have RIGHTS. If you're not married, you're more vulnerable.

Get a free half hour consultation with solicitor about your rights. Do not listen to anything this man tells you about your rights or what he can do. He is not your friend.

https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/using-a-solicitor/getting-free-legal-advice

And check out what benefits you're entitled to as an unmarried mother of four with no support.

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit

He’s abusing you and your shared children. If you’re an unmarried SAHM in England, you are very vulnerable as you have no right to claim spousal support from him but you would be entitled to child support. Was it your choice to have 4 children with this man? He’s a bully and a bad partner and father.

This sort of financial abuse is illegal and is a crime in the UK.

Please think about contacting the police and asking for advice if he does it again.

Financial abuse !
women’s aid . Apply for Universal credit . Sleep on separate rooms and apply for child
maintenance .
Can you leave do you want to leave . ?
You need to make a plan

Your response should be ok, goodbye. And then get yourself down to your local children’s centre and ask them to sign you up for the next freedom course they are running.

Assuming they are his children he will have to pay for them when he's moved out. Is the house under your name or is it jointly rented/ owned.

This is financial abuse. Take money from the joint account (if you can) and tell him to fuck off!