I have a younger sister, small age gap. I had DC a long time before she did. When mine were younger she was living nearby and had free time and we spent a lot of time together. We had mutual friends and would go out socially as well as spend family time frequently and were close. She did used to help me out with my kids sometimes when I had to go to work as I was a single parent (I am no longer a single parent).
My sister met a well off man and they moved further away and had multiple children. I barely see them or hear from them as they are always very busy. I have to book time slots in advance to see my nieces and nephews and often I am the one doing the travelling to them for this reason. Mostly my sister now uses me for childcare for social reasons. She has paid help at home and if they can’t do the care, she asks me to do it and says she doesn’t trust anyone else. I book time off work to babysit the kids for blocks of time and do not even see her during this time. I feel like she did help me when I needed it and I owe her, and also it’s time I can spend with her children. When she had her children she asked for my help so I stayed in her house to babysit or clean and I didn’t even see her then either as she slept the whole time.
She doesn’t call or text me back very often and if I do suggest spending time together, this is only with all of the children or me doing childcare and never socially.
I had a big birthday and she agreed to go to an event with me that I suggested. I bought our tickets and she dropped out last minute and never paid me back. I even booked it in the middle of where we live so she had less travel. Since then she had a big birthday and I got her a lovely thoughtful (expensive) gift but since my big birthday that she dipped out of, I realise she hasn’t bought me a single birthday gift or even a card, and keeps saying she has forgotten and will get round to it but then I don’t see her for months. She often forgets my kids birthdays too.
I recently asked if she wanted to do something specific with me, she didn’t commit yes or no, but indicated her friend wanted to do it so I assume she will go with that person instead. I’m not going to buy more tickets to something she doesn’t turn up to. I don’t get invited to her DC or her or her DH’s birthday parties (which they often have expensive dos) and I see all the photos on social media.
I feel a bit like the unpaid help. I don’t think I’ve seen my sister alone just the 2 of us for 10 years. We used to do stuff all the time so I feel sad at how things have changed although I know life changes over time. If I was to talk to her she would probably hang out with me once out of pity but it wouldn’t feel very genuine.
What’s the best way to emotionally detach from this as I do feel a bit rejected, which is my own issue to deal with. I won’t stop helping with kids as it’s the main time I see them.