He keeps mentioning her

[Delly9]

Last week my partner was talking about a woman he had a one night stand with a few years ago as something reminded him of her. I remember at the time this event was being planned in the social group and she kept commenting on there saying who is this guy and she wanted to meet him. I suspect she had looked at his photo and had planned a one night stand before she even met him.

He said she was nice but was troubled. Again he mentioned her tonight as someone in a film reminded him of her. He said he felt guilty as he had a one night stand at the time as a rebound as someone he was trying to pursue had rejected him. The next day he told this woman it wouldn’t go anywhere but she kept up hope. They would message each other and in the end he blocked her as the woman who had rejected him wanted his attention now.

He said he feels really guilty for blocking her. I don’t know why he feels the need to mention this woman. I said I’m sure she has moved on after 3 years. I know it was before we met.

More context needed.

You say "I remember at the time this event was being planned in the social group and she kept commenting on there saying who is this guy and she wanted to meet him." - how do you remember this? Was this recently? You then go on to say that "I suspect she had looked at his photo and had planned a one night stand before she even met him." and "I’m sure she has moved on after 3 years. I know it was before we met."

Were you friends for a while before dating and that's how you remember the above? Is what you're really saying "my BF has a one night stand 3 years ago but keeps bringing her up"? If she's no longer in the picture and it was 3 years ago, then raise an amber flag, because it sounds like triangulation to me, or they've recently been in touch without your knowledge.

So not a mention for three years, then out of the blue, two things in a week remind him of her?

He said he feels really guilty for blocking her This is what you need to be paying attention to. If he’s saying ‘I behaved really badly, I’m quite ashamed of myself, I’ve grown up and I will never treat you, or any other woman if we ever break up, like that again’ then I don’t think you’ve got too much to worry about.

But I think you need to make it very clear that if he’s thinking about messaging her to apologise etc, then not only will it possibly be unfair to her, if she took a while to get over him, but that it would be hugely disrespectful to you and that he needs to think very carefully about his next move, because he is inches away from fucking up his entire life and there will be no coming back from that.