Confused

[CONFUSEDIN25]

Name change due to circumstance,

Been with DH for 15 years (we were 19), married, 2 young children, no problems in the marriage.

Just been away for a work meeting in Aus and met some wider team members, there was a woman there that I really clicked with. Taken me by surprise massively as I’ve never been attracted to a woman before.

I didn’t do anything and obviously with the distance certainly won’t be, but I can’t help feeling something. Not really sure what I want people to say but is it common to have these thoughts so long into a long term relationship which has no problems.

Would it be wrong to reach out to her on a friend basis? It’s unlikely that we’ll meet again until next year and that’s if we’re both still at the company.

I think you married young and didn't explore your sexuality. You could be bi, gay or just attracted to people regardless of sex.

I wouldn't stay in contact.

That’s a fair point we did settle down and marry very early.

I didn’t do anything and obviously with the distance certainly won’t be

Plus there's the tiny fact you're married?

Yes I know and I was blindsighted a bit by the situation as I have never in our whole relationship felt attracted to someone else. I guess I was checking that I’m not alone in this or maybe this is indicating a problem.

I'm straight but I find wiry women with short hair and sleeves attractive. I don't want to sleep with them but I like the look.

Human sexuality is complex. It's really something you explore before you get married and make a commitment to someone.

You could be pansexual, it's where you are attracted to someone irrespective of sex. It could just be this particular woman you're attracted to or you could be bi/gay. Who knows?

Would it be wrong to reach out to her on a friend basis? Yes. Of course it would be wrong. You know it would. Partly because you don’t want to be her friend; you’re attracted to her. But mostly because you’re married. If this was a man, would you even be asking this question? Or if your DH met a woman he fancied at work, would you be fine with it if he came home and told you not to worry, he wasn’t going to do anything because she’s based so far away, but he’s going to stay in touch with her and be friends?

You could be bisexual, or a lesbian, or this could just be a one off based upon who she is. And if you want to explore that, you have absolutely every right to do so. I don’t think anyone would blame you for wanting to. What you don’t have a right to do is to fake a friendship with her when you know you want more, or expect your husband and children to just turn a blind eye to you exploring your sexuality when you’re supposed to be in a monogamous and committed marriage. Get some therapy, talk it over with a professional and then make a decision about whether you want to continue in the relationship you’re current in, before trying to establish another relationship.