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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pretentious? Clingy?

16 replies

EmilyCharltonatRunway · 01/03/2025 21:44

25 female. Met guy 27 on dating app. Went out for 1 month. Really lovely guy, good conversation, good sense of humour and interesting person to begin with. But things moving too fast and he became very needy and clingy.

to me he also seems too active on social media and likes to post a lot of gym stuff. I’m sure he does like the gym but to me its too excessive. I would say 1 post every 5-7 days.

He is working at a dead end job (his words, not mine) but his social bio is entrepreneur, business owner and professional gym coach- I’m sure he is but it feels like bragging and showing off . Also He would cancel his gym session all the time and on multiple occasions last min cancel on his gym buddy because he wanted to hang out with me but goes on to post an old photo of him and made it look like he went to the gym.

When I’m with him, he doesn’t eat healthy at all- eat a lot of frozen meals, ready meals, takeaways…he doesn’t meal prep or plan recipes like I do. I make sure to have 3 carbs, 2 veg and 1 meat. He also drinks a lot of Pepsi, energy drinks and doesn’t do his own dishes. Because there was (a bit of) mould in the sink I ended up doing the dishes for him at his flat. I don’t know…overall just seems to me he has unbalanced meals or little routine but yet some of his post are of him eating fruit, drinking green juice, protein shakes and staying hydrated by drinking water, keeping a good route, loving yourself.

he changes his bio every week and can be sound very attention seeking. I just feel like he’s not got much going on and needing validation from others… including me at times when we are going out. he seemed very interesting at the start eg hobbies, gym, goals..etc but very soon I discovered that’s it, was mostly just plain talk, which was disappointing. He is physically attractive yes but I’m sad to say all the other trails makes him so not attractive…

what do you guys think? I do feel terrible thinking this way. I’m very open to advice to more experienced mumsnet members.

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 01/03/2025 21:48

Sounds like a pretentious arse to be honest

PashaMinaMio · 01/03/2025 21:49

There’s a lot of holes in your feelings for this insecure, immature young man. Step back, deep breath, reconsider.
If you were my daughter, I’d tell you to chuck him back.

Crichel · 01/03/2025 21:49

It’s not clear what you’re asking, OP. You went out with someone for a month, and he’s become clingy and needy, plus you find his SM posturing and mouldy sink unattractive. So ditch him, surely?

Loamyearth · 01/03/2025 21:51

I would be put off too. Sounds like you already have more than enough doubts OP to call time on this one.

ItGhoul · 01/03/2025 22:00

You’ve been dating for only one month and he’s already become needy and clingy, you find his social media lies cringy and you found mouldy washing up in his flat. Why would you need the advice of others to dump him?! You find him clingy and unattractive and pretentious and you’ve only been going out with him for about five minutes; there’s surely no dilemma here.

sorechalfonts · 01/03/2025 22:04

mouldy washing up is not acceptable 🤮🦠

theboffinsarecoming · 01/03/2025 22:18

He sounds very shallow.

category12 · 01/03/2025 22:19

Don't do the washing up for a guy you're barely dating.

Also, you don't sound like you like him.

WilfredsPies · 01/03/2025 23:14

Went out for 1 month So have you actually ended it yet?

You find him needy, clingy, his home is disgusting, he posts on social media too much for your liking and he’s all talk, no substance. If you haven’t ended it yet, what’s stopping you?

I do feel terrible thinking this way. I’m very open to advice to more experienced mumsnet members My advice is to establish it firmly into your head that it doesn’t matter how nice someone is. You can lose attraction to them at any time, for any reason, or even for no reason at all, and you don’t need to feel terrible about it or explain it or even justify it. He could well be a lovely man. But he clearly isn’t the lovely man for you. And that’s all you need to know to end things. And you don’t have to feel guilty about that.

Spooky2000 · 01/03/2025 23:37

Kerrist. Shallow, a bullshitter, all fur coat and no knickers as my (deceased) mother would say. It's been a month. Tell him you don't share the same values, delete, block, move on.

Thegreenpath · 01/03/2025 23:48

Sounds like a himbo - male bimbo

Maitri108 · 01/03/2025 23:49

Why are you doing his dishes? He's not pretentious, he's a loser.

Write out what you're looking for in a man and don't deviate from it. Keep your standards high.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 01/03/2025 23:53

Don't do a guy's washing up for him fgs! Otherwise you'll attract the deadbeats, cocklodgers, mummyboys, men searching for nurses with purses, losers who don't brush their teeth or wash their crack, and exploiters looking for a low-cost hole and domestic/emotional laborer that they can slot into their life and use up...

IridiumSky · 02/03/2025 04:50

Bloke here, so I can consider your story from the male perspective.

OK, I’ve considered it. He’s a dick. 😀

Thegreenpath · 02/03/2025 05:21

I find such people relaxing to be around, I don’t want a whirlwind of action and ambition interfering the calm space I want to create around me, I’m interested in a work/life balance, the life bit is more interesting to me, work just pays the bills.

It depends what you’re looking for, a gorgeous young uncomplicated guy sounds wonderful to me, sign him over to me please. Does he have pecs cos that’s essential?

Glorybox2025 · 02/03/2025 05:23

You've been dating a month and observed many things about him that you (understandably) don't like. What's the dilemma here? It's obvious, you end it. This is what the dating period is for, so you can end things early if you find things like this.

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