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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Looking for advice

9 replies

Oum7683 · 01/03/2025 20:36

Im currently with a new partner of 7 months and found out Im pregnant (10weeks). Im really not wanting this pregnancy and originally thought it just to be hormones. Just to give you some backstory, I got out of a ten year abusive relationship and after 4 months single met my partner. I think I juat clung to the first decent guy Id met because I did like him and he was kind to me unlike what I was used to, I also have five kids ranging from mid twenties with my youngest being 9 and the rest almost leaving the nest. He looked like he promised security and kindness etc and I put the lack of attraction to the side. I moved in after 3 months basically out of necessity it was all rushed. Ive slowly saw someone completely different to the person I envisioned still a good person but, very socially immatire, still financially depends on mommy, tight with money, expects me to be second mummy, does no cleaning, has stopped taking care of himself, hes really irritating me and I just know that I cant contemplate spending my whole life with this man. His mum lives in the same house and he consults with her about everything he even told her I was contemplating abortion. Leaving seems impossible, its like having a sister wife.He also wants children and realising that Im pregnant has made me realise I dont want kids and most def not with him. I feel like Ive got too far involved now. My mum and family like him because they have ideas of stability and security for me. I just have the major ick at the moment. Hes supporting me in terminating this pregnancy as he knows how I feel. My family think the pregnancy is amazing, weve decided its simpler to say Ive miscarried. Any helpful advice would be welcomed to put it all in perspective. My gut instinct this moved way too fast and I need to take a step back

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/03/2025 20:39

did you move in with him and his mum, with several of your children ?

Oum7683 · 01/03/2025 20:41

Hi I have 3 the others have grown up, 2 teens and a 9 year old. My landlord issued eviction as they were selling. Might I add I pay half of everything bills rates mortgage etc work full time and fully support my children pay food etc and pay for his food. His mum gave him deposit for his house so lives in second part of house upstairs

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/03/2025 20:51

is your name on the mortgage ?

Oum7683 · 01/03/2025 20:53

Oh no weve only been together 7 months and living together 3, its nowhere near that stage

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/03/2025 20:59

why are you paying the mortgage then ?!

what you should have done when your landlord told you he was selling the house was to 1. look for a new rental or 2. turn up on your local authorities doorstep and register as homeless due to the landlord selling.

VintageFollie · 01/03/2025 21:03

You criticise him for being financially dependent on mummy, yet you're dependent on him.

"Leaving seems impossible" why? You've only known him 7 months, and you don't even like him. You've rushed into this because you needed a roof over your head, and you're basically using him. Find somewhere else to rent.

Oum7683 · 01/03/2025 21:28

Hi would just like to add I am not financially dependent on him we do not share money I pay half of everything including mortgage, utlities, rates, heating and his subscription services on top of my own bills and soley providing for my kids.He does not provide financially for me or my children in anyway. He had lodgers before me and they left and he had a drop in income. I was looking for property to rent and have been on housing list three years, trust me Ive done the work, this was a last resort and at the time seemed like a mutually great idea because 1) he would have replacement income and 2) we thought the relationship would gtow. Obviously loving together you get to see who youre dealing with on a much deeper level. When I say financially dependent on mum I mean if he wants something he asks his pensioner mum to buy it like a child. I cant envision how he could possibly manage a house hold himself or a family.

OP posts:
Oum7683 · 01/03/2025 21:30

I do understand the option is to leavr and rent and I guess Ive already decided how I want to move forward, I just wanted clarity from a third party that I wasnt being unreasonable and was right in thinking that it was a bad decision at the time, things moved too quick and I should get my own place

OP posts:
LookingAtMyBhunas · 05/03/2025 19:00

Getting back to the OP's point. Please do not say you have miscarried if you decide to terminate, that is utterly unfair on your family. You will be receiving sympathy and support from them as if you have suffered an awful loss of no choice or doing of your own.
If you want to terminate then you should sooner do it if you honestly don't think your feelings will change, but at least be honest with your loved ones.

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