My Sister cut me off

[Hayley6099]

I have one sister who is 3 years younger. Our father died when we were very young so I always felt protective of her. 10 years ago she went through hell with her ex partner and I supported her through it all, our mother didn’t help and the rest of our family took his side over ours so it felt like it was me and her against the world.
2 years ago my financial situation changed and I wanted to share some of my good fortune with my sister so I took her and her new boyfriend on a weeks holiday with me and my husband and we had a wonderful time. I paid her car loan off and some other nice things (not because she needed me too because she’s got a very well paid job but because I love her and I wanted too). She was always more successful career wise than me but that never bothered me.

anyway we moved house, bought a new family car and I started my own business. I thought she was happy for me!!!
when she turned up late on my husbands birthday I called her out in a jokey way, she went soooo funny about it, called me selfish (that really hurt) and we haven’t spoken since. That was over a year ago! I honestly think it was just an excuse to cut me off.. it really wasnt worth falling out over.

thinking about it, she’s always been judgmental of me despite everything I’ve done and she’s incredibly stubborn. I just feel so hurt and angry and I feel so stupid for thinking we were close when clearly we never were. I feel stupid for giving her so much now even though it’s not even about that.. I’m really not a materialistic person and we moved house because it was better for our family.. I never bragged about any of it but maybe she thinks I did!!!
i really don't know. I’m just assuming it’s got to be about that!

I don’t know what her problem is, but I’m not going to be the glue anymore, why should I, I’m too tired and the “selfish” comment still stings me because I am far from it.
My mother doesn’t care, in fact my mum’s made several mean comments about my appearance recently so I have limited my contact with her. I feel like I’ve lost my entire family since my financial situation changed.

I wanted my sister to be my best friend but she clearly doesn’t want me around. No point trying to talk to her, she’s deleted me from social media and she will likely just ignore me.
i have an amazing husband and amazing kids so I know I am very lucky but it still hurts.
How do I accept it and just let it be? Am I right to feel this angry? How can someone take from you and then cut you off so easily afterwards?
Am I over reacting?
Any advise would be appreciated.

She’ll have her reasons OP

And yet you started a thread asking AIBU “to cut my sister off”

OP you need help

What ??

I have no.idea how you accept it. My sister has done the same to me since my father died. She has no.need of me now as she has all our mothers attention and by god it hurts.
like you I feel so stupid for not realising before that she only wanted me for what she could get out of me and I defended her against so many other family members and stood by her through thick and thin. She has firm for doing this tp be fair but I genuinely thought we were close and would have considered her one of my best friends. It is a bereavement of sorts that needs to be grieved.
All you can do is appreciate those you do have and try not to give it brainspace but it is v hard to let it go and move on I know. x

Your other thread is as king whether YOU would be unreasonable to cut YOUR sister

and here you’re saying that you’re baffled that your sister has cut YOU off 😂

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5098398-do-i-cut-my-sister-out-of-my-life?reply=136074915

You suddenly had some luck and your financial situation improved. She's jealous, OP. Maybe she thinks you don't deserve it. And isn't there a saying " no good turn goes unpunished?" No, you're not over reacting. Just try to be philosophical about it - that's life, shit happens.

Well her reasons might just be that she's a completely nasty woman. It sounds as though you've been very generous to her. It also sounds as though she liked feeling superior to you and now she feels inferior so she's trying to make you feel even more inferior. She doesn't sound nice at all.

Fiddlestixy - that’s a bit harsh saying I need help!
this post was ages ago and yes there were red flags from her boyfriend on that holiday, I’d forgotten I had posted this so thank you for bringing it to my attention. I did however continue to be a good sister or so I thought.
in hindsight, maybe our relationship was always doomed! Maybe reminding me of this previous post (I’m not really familiar with this forum tbh) is the clarity I needed.
time to move on

She wasn’t late for your husbands party

she was late popping by on the morning of his birthday to say hi

flapjackfairy - I am so sorry this happened to you.. like you, I just wanted us to be sisters and best friends and I also thought we were. I introduced her to her now boyfriend and thought he was a great guy until I saw some red flags but I kept my mouth shut cause she’s crazy about him.
I guess there is nothing I can do but accept it and I have been accepting it.. I think I’m just feeling a little down this week, my business is such hard work and she would be the one person I would call so I guess that’s why it’s been on my mind.
thank you for your kind words… I guess our lesson was learnt the hard way.

Fiddlestixy - I never said the word ‘party’

Your sister was late popping around on the morning of the birthday of your partner

I mean really? Did you have something special planned the morning of his birthday that made your sister’s presence important?

so you didn’t cut her off after your last thread?

Ive lost count of the number of people on MN who have been cut off by a family member but claim they have no idea why. There is always a reason!

what is your agenda here exactly ?
Obviously she didn't cut her off after the last thread as you well know! Can't you just leave the OP alone if you are not interested ? It has taken me years to process my complicated relationship with my sister so why shouldn't she ask for advice again ?

Fiddlestixy - yes she was meant to turn up the night before with his card and gift but bailed, then said she would come first thing in the morning.. that’s fine! But we were still waiting after lunch so couldn’t really go anywhere. I made a simple joke about her lateness, no big deal OR so I thought. Is that really enough of a reason to stop speaking to me after all we’ve gone through in the past do you think? And no, she hasn’t spoken to me at all… deleted me from all her social media but not my kids so that kinda speaks volumes right?

flapjackfairy - thank youuuu x

True but there is not always a good or justifiable reason. Some people are just users. It is not always the fault of the person who has been ghosted and I understand the OP wanting to try and make sense of it.

lnks - but I don’t really know the reason?!?

she was meant to turn up the night before with his card and gift but bailed, then said she would come first thing in the morning.. that’s fine! But we were still waiting after lunch so couldn’t really go anywhere.

Why not?

Don't let your sister run your life. Or anyone else for that matter.

@Fiddlestixy Stop being a bitch and go and read a book or something.....

flapjackfairy - thank you, I honestly can’t see the reason why, only than she dislikes me and always has disliked me and I’ve just been totally blind to it. It’s sad and it hurts cause I really tried to be a great sister. I guess I just came here to try and feel better about it all because I really do miss her but what can I do. I think I tried too hard and just feel stupid.

i empathise with you as this happened to me also. So my sister is 7 years younger than me and I practically raised her whilst very young myself. Tucked her in bed from when she was a toddler, bathed her, collected her from school, made her tea as both my parents weren’t back from work until 6pm. Protected her from my mentally unstable elder brother (not formally diagnosed with a mental health condition until his 20s). My mom is not maternal and my dad buried his head in the sand so at times she honestly felt like my own child! She has consistently come to me for guidance from friend issues to work issues and a few years ago she met her husband to me. She told him that my opinion of him mattered more to her than our moms because of who actually ‘raised’ her which really touched me. Around this time, my own marriage had failed so I was in a bad place but I still helped her organise all her wedding, including several after work trips when I quite frankly was shattered and would have preferred to just relax before the next early start. However I loved her so did it as she had no friends. I even gave her a thousand pounds towards a photo book she really wanted. Anyway, fast forward the actual wedding day and shortly after her return from her honeymoon, her attitude towards me changed and she spoke to me less and less. When I rang, it seemed like I was a hindrance to her busy day even though I specifically rang at times when people are traditionally okay to talk. Anyway fast forward a few more years and communication is now only around my nephew and nieces birthdays and Xmas when I send them gifts. One of the times it broke my heart because she started a text ‘it’s that time again and x wants x for Xmas’ so I’m aware she’s only talking to me now from a materialistic pov and likely when the kids are older she’ll ghost me. I could never ever in a million years have seen this coming and it’s taking over 10 years for me to even ‘accept’ it because it’s so very hurtful and after breaking up with my abusive second partner, I have no one left in my life at all. My schizophrenic brother lives with my mom and he’s very suspicious of me coming around as he has paranoia that everyone is after my moms money and he’ll be homeless so I can’t talk properly to her not that she wants to as she blames me for walking out of my first arranged marriage due to the shame it supposed brought on them. So yeah - I’m very alone but continuing to make my way in life and I’m just glad that at least you have a lovely family by the sounds of it. No one deserves to be treated this way and I’m sorry you experienced this sibling betrayal for want of a better word also. Sorry for the long post but once I start! 😅

This op starts a thread asking if she would be unreasonable to cut her sister off

and also seems to have a very poor relationship with her mother

i mean… everyone will have their reasons

Probably a bit late now, but I'd have text straight back asking why I was selfish.

Have you always been the one to contact and arrange things with her or was it equal?

You say she failed to turn up the night before, and then most of the next day - maybe something was going on and you never asked if everything was OK. Maybe that's why she called you selfish? Just an idea, if everything was OK before that.

Like others have said - don't bend over backwards to get back in contact, but leave things open in case she needs you. Some people tend to gravitate towards abusive partners over and over again.