Bored/mid-life crisis/end of 20 years?

[sparkybabe]

DH and I have been together 20 years, we have 3 kids, (youngest is only 9) but we have had one bad patch after another for the past 2 years or so. we moved to our (my) dream house about 2 years ago, and spent quite a lot doing it up, which I wanted to do. (He wanted to buy a house that was more expensive and already done-up) He spends a lot of time travelling with his job, about once a month he'll be away. I don;t really mind this, I quite like being alone, but I do feel that it has made us drift apart quite a bit. We had a long discussion the other day, when I told him i feel that I have become 90% MUM, 7% Mrs-Sparky and only 3% is left of the actually sparky,flirty, sexy, impulsive girl I was. I am not unattractive, and feel that I am being blended into the wallpaper. He often tells me how attractive I am, that he loves me, he's appreciative of my cooking and DIY etc, and I know that compared to some on here, he is an angel.
But I am bored. I want to be attractive to others. I have never had an affair (and neither has he) but do I want a fling? (never really been that interested in sex) Or should I just accept that I am mid-forties and should be settled down? Or shuold I go it alone, as I like the freedom when he is not here?
Whatever happens, the happiness of the dc comes first.

Why do you feel responsible for his happiness though, do you not think he could cope without you around?

I do understand the wanting something that you cannot work out though - and that is one of the reasons we have done the big house big garden thing, and for a while i really did think it made and us happy - but it just want enough either. I was lucky in that my h did not mind downsizing either. For me one of the things that shocked me was my mum had cancer and it brought deep thinking about my life generally.

I think what tanee says is a good point - if you really cant see a future with your h then you do need to do something to get out however much you think it will break his heart - maybe he will surpise you and thank you for his freedom too!!

I do hope you work out what is best for you as you do deserve to be happy with your life.

It's easy to imagine that the grass is greener - I've been there myself. But starting out again on your own after all the years of shared experience can be really lonely. Plus you may find that your DP is actually much nicer than a lot of the single guys out there!

I agree with others that if you can find something that fires you up (being creative, taking a course, doing a job that you believe passionately in) can offer you a lot of what you might think you need from a different relationship. You talked about travelling ... why don't you plan a trip on your own and enjoy the freedom? It might be enough to help value again what you have at home?

The 'midlife blues' can be incredibly strong, but you have spent years building something unique with your DP. It's definitely worth trying some solution before you throw in the can, as it were.

Good luck - hope you find happiness for yourself.