Is anyone feeling lonely?

[LonelyMamaBlahhh]

I’m having a hard time feeling lonely recently.
I’ve always enjoyed my own company but over the last few years I’ve started to have too much time alone.

A combination of my child growing up and old friends drifting means I don’t have anyone to do anything with except for the rare occasion. I feel like my social life never recovered after the pandemic and now it’s none existent.

I do have a very close friend but due to distance we only see each other 1-2 times a year. Acquaintances tell me to ‘get out with the girls’ but at 35 I don’t have anyone like that.

I see endless comments from people in the same situation on social media posts that it almost feels like an epidemic of loneliness amongst younger people.

I know alot of people on here have many friends and join clubs easily but is anyone in the same boat at me?

So what could you do this evening to change things?

Have you looked at local Facebook female groups? Would you be interested in reading?

You could build up confidence online before trying a meet up.

If reading isn't for you search for things you are interested in or just for friend meet up groups.

I know exactly what you mean OP, and was just about to post something myself. I left my abusive husband 2 years ago, and whilst it was absolutely the right thing to do, I had to be safe, I am very lonely.

I have a long commute so clubs/events on week nights are just not practical, and at the weekends all my friends are with their families, as they should be.

I am somewhat older than you, and I can't ever see myself having another relationship again, I am done on that front. The loneliness frightens me. I don't miss my ex-husband, but a constantly empty house at the end of the day, nobody to laugh with, nobody to share life with is brutal.

I wish I had an answer, but I don't. I am just so, so sad my life ended up this way.

I go through phases of loneliness. At the moment I am not lonely but I have also been working really hard to make and accept invitations, get back in contact with people who I hadnt heard from in a while. It takes quite a bit of effort but I think it is worth it.

I am considerably older than you but also in a similar boat. I have one really good friend but she collects friends wherever she goes lots from old workplaces, current workplace, neighbours, her partners wives, mums from when her children were little etc etc and she has still kept a few childhood friends so I don’t see her often as she has so many other friends. She also has a big family and seems to have endless enthusiasm and energy.

I had two friends/acquaintances who I really enjoyed spending time with every couple of months. I have known them for a long time. But we have recently drifted apart. Part of me longs for good friends to have brunch with, spend a weekend with, have round for a few drinks or celebrate a birthday with etc but I don’t have close friends like this the people I know who are friends are just only really acquaintances (and nothing more) and definitely can’t be relied upon.

I don’t have as much energy and enthusiasm as my popular friend and most of the time I can’t really be bothered but occasionally it would be nice. DH is my best friend and I am his.

I am always nice to people and have joined a couple of groups recently and chat to people there but again nothing has led to any social get togethers outside of the activity.

Although I don't suffer "loneliness" having family and friends aplenty, I did find when I retired that I was having less day to day interaction with people, because I was no longer in a work situation. I knew very few people to me locally.
After enjoying looking after my sons dog prior to him and DIL moving away I offered to walk the dog of an elderly neighbour who was thinking of getting rid of her dog due to mobility issues.
I have met so many people in the two years I have been doing this, made two really good friends, got acquainted with near neighbours and just met so many people when just out and about. People, I've realised, are more inclined to talk to you when you have a friendly dog with you, whereas they would not necessarily pass the time of day with a lone walker.
It has made such a difference to me.
I don't know OP just a thought, perhaps join "Borrow my Doggy"?

You have to go to the world because the world won’t come to you.
Look for opportunities wherever you can, invite people you take to around to yours for a coffee or soup & sandwich.
If you can afford it, take up exercise, local gym or swimming pool, crafting club, book club, ladies cycling, walking group, language course. You get the picture?
Im speaking from experience so try anything which gets you out into the world. Go for it. Small steps in the right direction.

Are you single OP? I find this makes it worse.

Single people aren't welcome in the folds of couples. No one in those couple-y circles is ever rude, it's not personal and they're all perfectly nice people, but you do get left out of plans are never really included and will forever be on the periphery.

I've just a accepted it for what it is. Got a dog. Keep myself busy with my hobbies.

I'm single and don't have children either, and you're exactly right. The world is not built for single middle aged childless women. I've not been called a freak but it's got quite close.

Not easy op. I find in my 50s nobody commits to meeting. I have dog he great gets me out. My friend in a drama group that made her new friends. My son does hiking. Have you any hobbies. I enjoy cinema too

Yes I can fully relate!

I know it’s a practical answer but I get very frustrated at people telling me to join social clubs! I’ve joined many in the past and I don’t feel it’s what I need right now!!

Im not sure what the answer is but sometimes it helps to know we’re not alone in feeling alone!!

i feel it’s a bit like looking for a partner, where I’m looking for something very special in a friendship at this stage of life (early forties!)

My children are 11 and 7 so I’m still pretty needed but I know this will shift in the next five years or so. Where I am personally is that I want these lovely local and easy friendships but I have very little time and effort to put into putting myself out there and building them from scratch!

what type of area do you live in? I live where my husband grew up and it’s a small suburb and not very diverse and most people grew up here and stay here, have family roots in the area.

i do believe that if we move somewhere more diverse I’ll find it easier to meet people but of course I know it will still involve a degree of putting myself out there!

I just think mid life friendships are really HARD! I was also burned by a local friendship group (2 others) just before the pandemic so I am very wary/ discerning who I let into my life now!!

It always somewhat irritates when people say "go out with the girls". I wonder how many women irl have this magical circle of giggling, prosecco swilling women they can phone at the drop of a hat - or ever for that matter. I posted a thread on here about the subject around a year ago. I was particularly talking about young (30 something) and mid life professionals and the epidemic of loneliness I see around me. I was all but crucified and I still have no idea why. I think it's a perfect storm borne of various factors and of great societal concern, but there you go.