This is the script right?

[Iolaus84]

This is long sorry! My stbexH and I had been together for 23 years, married for 14 either 2 small kids broke up middle of last year. At the time, he said it was because we weren't communicating and of course there were a few criticisms relating to my sex drive (being used and then ignoring me was not enjoyable) and my housekeeping skills. For a month or so I made a real effort and got nothing back from him. Then he moved out and stays with his parents. He said there was no one else, he didn't ever want a relationship again etc etc. He wanted to impose conditions on me if I met someone such as when we tell kids, meet kids etc. This was kindly met with a fuck off. He refused any attempts at counseling but recommended that I see a counsellor for my mental health conditions (I have depression and anxiety). I did and the counsellor suggested he was a narcissist and a light bulb went off in my head when I read up about it. He also kept asking me about when I was a teenager and a boy stayed at my house with his friend and my friends. This was completely innocent, my friend and her boyfriend wanted to stay together as he was leaving for Australia shortly and his friend was meant to be staying with him so they all stayed, the friend slept on the sofa. Anyway, he kept referring to that suggesting I cheated over and over again. I told him the truth again and again that nothing had happened. Now, this past week I have found out from friends that he has gone on holiday (in our children's half term!) with some friends. A couple and their two kids and someone who I've only just found out is his girlfriend. To go on holiday with a girlfriend is quite serious I think? And looking back at things, I think this has started earlier than just this year and whilst we were together and he started pulling away and stopped communicating. I also found a secret phone after he left hidden under his side of the bed. No sim card in it though now.
It's all part of the script isn't it? He was cheating wasn't he?
Sorry for the really long post but thank you.if you read to the end!

Yes.

@Iolaus84 He wanted to impose conditions on me if I met someone such as when we tell kids, meet kids etc.

I would message him (copy and paste his own words) reminding him that the conditions that he put in place also apply to the woman he had an affair with and left you for.

So what's the situation with you both now? Getting divorced? Custody of kids? Re: finances, Ducks in a row?

Sorry, you are finding this out. Well done in telling him 'fuck off ' on trying to impose conditions.
Hope therapy helps you get even stronger. Sounds like he would be a nightmare to divorce.

How was your mh pre dh?
Bet it improves once you get divorced
.

That is exactly what my counsellor said!

Sounds like he was projecting, yes.

You're better off out of it.

We are in the process of divorcing so still officially married. Still have to work out finances etc. I put my career on the back burner to raise and keep life stable and consistent for the children as they are suspected asd (still worked but never tried to improve my situation/promotion etc) whilst he excelled to the top of his company. He did have the audacity to suggest that what's mine is mine and what's his is his and vice versa. My solicitor just laughed!

It doesn’t really matter if it’s part of’ The Script’- it’s ridiculous that he was trying to pull out your past like that and then he went off and has a gf on holiday with him. Agree with what TheAmusedQuail says- let him know he’s the one who’s effing you over. Hugs op, hope you get to a place where your life is one filled with happiness and contentment x

It's very similar to what my ex was saying.
There's no one else. I was mentally unwell. I cheated with some random aqcuaintance... none of which was true.

Classic script in my experience, yes. I had stuff from donkeys years ago levelled at me. Stuff I cant even remember. All required because they must build the case against you, frame you as the bad guy.

Anyway, you will be fine.

Yes, me too. Apparently not disclosing I was only recently out of a short term relationship when we met was just as bad as cheating.

And, I'd only gone out with Ex because Dave Harrison didn't want me, and I still fancied Dave Harrison (despite not having seen him since uni days)

Not surprised he said that. He sounds the type.
Your solicitor will need to stay sharp. I would not be surprised he has been hiding his finances for some time.
Wish you all the best.