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Original poster

Dog situation again

32 replies

HangryGoose · 28/02/2025 21:09

I'm really fed up. When i first met my boyfriend he had a Staffordshire bull terrier dog that slept on the other side of the bed. I was the newbie Into things. So I had to adapt. I'd never slept with a dog In the bed. I loved the dog. But noted quite soon that he was a 24/7 on a human or curled up next to a human. There was no such thing as go lie down. Or time on the floor. The dog was allowed to be with us constantly. In the bathroom. On the sofa. In bed. He got so much of my boyfriends time and cuddles that I began to feel a little (alot) ignored. Our sex life barely existed after the initial stage. It was hard. When the dog passed away he got a smaller dog. But once again no discipline. I bought her a bed. He never trained her. She was 24/7 in between us. Drove me nuts. He had no choice but to sell her when his job changed. We had 3 whole years dog free. (I love dogs just not the way he trains them)

Then 2 months ago he announced to me via text that he's got a very large to be Dog that's currently a pup. At 4 months old he's medium sized. Sort of spaniel sized. He'd going to be absolutely huge. My boyfriend has been staying with me whilst he awaits his moving in date to his new place. I need to stress the dogs amazing. So lovely. We'll behaved. But like the other 2 he's got no limitations. So ifcourse he's 24/7 on the sofa and curls up against one of us. He's in bed everynight. Kicking and stretching. I end up coming through to the sofa and sleeping as I have 7am starts at work. But what's really got to me is for the last couple of weeks whenever they are with me. My boyfriend is spooning the dog on the sofa and I'm sat alone. We haven't physically been near one another in weeks/months.
The other day he actually Said he will always have him with him. He said you'll have to go to work and things but he will always be there.

I just came through to the sofa to sleep and sulk and the dogs come through to lay in my feet. I feel really guilty because it's my boyfriend who I'm frustrated with. Because he cannot seem to give me Any dog free time. Even the other night he said we could lay and watch a film and the dog could go down. But as soon as we were both laid down he was straight up.

I've had so many chats over the years with him and it never changes. I just want your Input. Am I being mean?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 28/02/2025 21:12

I'd say you're just incompatible. You don't live together (permanently I mean) so it's a fairly easy out!

Summerhillsquare · 28/02/2025 21:43

The definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

vipersnest1 · 28/02/2025 21:53

Tell him to get out and take the dog with him.
Seriously, this is your home and you are the only one making any compromises.
Does he work? If not, that's another massive red flag along with all of the others.
Of course you're not being mean, just being a normal person who doesn't prioritise an animal above their partner.

Rfvvvv · 28/02/2025 21:56

Why on earth have you tolerated this?

EG94 · 28/02/2025 22:01

I have two dogs and I get have free rein and usually one is one me, she’s cuddly but they’re jacks so small. My ex said he didn’t like them sleeping on the bed (fine with it at first) but as much as I love them, I also loved him so they slept downstairs at night. If I had a giant breed, it wouldn’t be in the bed, in the bedroom on the floor fine but a dog that size needs boundaries. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but I also don’t think you’re compatible. I’d also be upset he got the dog without a conversation as the dog affects you both.

Miaowzabella · 28/02/2025 22:37

It seems plain that you will always take second place in your boyfriend's life.

category12 · 28/02/2025 23:31

Either you accept that him and the dog are an annoying package or you break up with him. Hoping he'll change his ways clearly isn't happening. He's always been the same, so if you don't like it...

Original poster
HangryGoose · 01/03/2025 06:03

The problem is I start to get moody and we start bickering. I went back through late last night. This morning he got up made us coffees. He then pulled the dog over towards him and went back to sleep. He knew what I was saying last night. But it's not made him think.

It's making me feel He's using me for my home. I know he's not really. He's meant to be going to his daughters for the weekend this morning. But she's also making more excuses not to have him. She's got a dog and a bird. So I think it's disrupting her home aswel.

OP posts:
Redburnett · 01/03/2025 06:17

The problem is not the dogs themselves but your boyfriend's attitude to them. For many years he has shown that the dogs are his priority and you never will be. It is obvious he won't change, whether you continue to accept the situation is up to you, but it sounds as though you have had enough and it is time to move on and leave boyfriend and dog behind.

Adamante · 01/03/2025 06:21

He had no choice but to sell her when his job changed. We had 3 whole years dog free. (I love dogs just not the way he trains them)

He sounds like a self indulgent arsehole and this in particular would disgust me and I wouldn’t be able to find him attractive any longer.

SonoPazziQuestiRomani · 01/03/2025 06:24

This sounds awful. You are not being mean. He sounds terribly immature and that he has opted out of forming proper relationships with humans in favour of his dogs (who won't disagree with him etc and will give him what he perceives as love in exchange for food and attention). It won't get better (will probably get worse as he will now have realised what you will put up with without leaving).

Fraaances · 01/03/2025 06:27

He's absolutely an irresponsible dog owner. I'd bin him.

Changeissmall · 01/03/2025 06:43

He sounds absolutely dependent on the dogs. It’s weird. Especially the part where he got rid of the one that no longer fitted in with his life after creating a situation where the poor animal’s life revolved around him. How selfish!

That’s not healthy. To be so needy and dependent on the love of an animal. Speaks of deep seated issues. Does he rely on you to be the attachment creature when he has to go somewhere without the current dog?

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 01/03/2025 07:32

He's shown you who he is and whats most important to him. He chose his job over his last dog but he's made it clear you're less important to him then him having no boundaries with his dog. You can keep resenting this and hoping he'll change until you can't take it anymore or you can break up with him. You can't change him, the only thing you can control here is your own actions.

GoodMorninBaltimore · 01/03/2025 07:57

Have I understood correctly this is your house he lives in? But he just texted you to tell you he was getting a dog, decision made and therefore you'd need to house it now questions asked?
That's not right, is it!

Rfvvvv · 01/03/2025 08:28

You are allowing this in YOUR home?
You need help.
Your self-esteem must be on the floor to allow yourself be treated like this.

Pack his shit and tell him leave.
Get some help for yourself.

Original poster
HangryGoose · 02/03/2025 06:15

He doesn't live with me. He got the puppy. Then his landlord handed him a section 21. But basically he's not found anywhere yet but the council are aware and who knows. But he was private renting the last place.

I'm happy living separately. I am independent and don't want anyone affecting my finances etc at the moment.

It's just driving me nuts. I had dogs growing up. Alsations when I was small. But we had this Jack Russell for 11 years. There were rules in place. He slept in a dog basket downstairs. He didn't go on the sofas if ny dad was home. Mum occasionally had him up in the day on her knee. He was loved. He occasionally was allowed upstairs and might have laid on a sunspot on the bed whilst we got ready. But he didn't take over constantly.

I did sort of say something yesterday morning. He was sat on the opposite sofa and leaned over him so the dog was on his back. He was cuddling him and talking to him. I said how do I get you to do that to me. He tutted and sulked and sat up.

I don't get how he has no urges to have cuddles or sex with me anymore but he can be arsed to constantly cuddle a dog.

It doesn't surprise me anymore. He's not here today. I'm dreading this dog full size. It seems very abnormal to put yourself in a position where your whole day revolves around a dog. Also he goes outside and he's straight on my furniture. He doesn't even teach him about wet paws etc.

He took him on a train yesterday and had to get off the phone because a woman was allover the dog too. Apparently she cuddled him all the way to the station lol!

OP posts:
Semiramide · 02/03/2025 06:24

I did sort of say something yesterday morning. ... I said how do I get you to do that to me. He tutted and sulked and sat up.
I don't get how he has no urges to have cuddles or sex with me anymore but he can be arsed to constantly cuddle a dog.

So you "sort of say something"....... without actually telling him what you ought to tell him. Which is to pack his stuff and his dogs and fuck off.

He has no urge to cuddle or have sex with you because to him you are a commodity.

He is a cocklodger, plain and simple. Why are you allowing this?

Miaowzabella · 02/03/2025 06:40

He took him on a train yesterday and had to get off the phone because a woman was all over the dog too. Apparently she cuddled him all the way to the station

I hope your boyfriend swapped numbers with this woman. With any luck, she might take the boyfriend off your hands.

Original poster
HangryGoose · 02/03/2025 06:55

Miaowzabella · 02/03/2025 06:40

He took him on a train yesterday and had to get off the phone because a woman was all over the dog too. Apparently she cuddled him all the way to the station

I hope your boyfriend swapped numbers with this woman. With any luck, she might take the boyfriend off your hands.

Haha he can't go anywhere without telling me a woman loved the dog. People apparently stop him everywhere to fuss him.

OP posts:
OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 02/03/2025 06:56

This is where you have to think very carefully before allowing dogs to sleep on your bed...because if a bf/gf comes along you'll (hopefully!) be changing the rules to no dogs in order to do what lovers do.

Unfair and potentially hurtful for the loyal dog, so people need to think carefully.

(And I say this a dog person with one.myself!)

luckylavender · 02/03/2025 06:59

HangryGoose · 02/03/2025 06:15

He doesn't live with me. He got the puppy. Then his landlord handed him a section 21. But basically he's not found anywhere yet but the council are aware and who knows. But he was private renting the last place.

I'm happy living separately. I am independent and don't want anyone affecting my finances etc at the moment.

It's just driving me nuts. I had dogs growing up. Alsations when I was small. But we had this Jack Russell for 11 years. There were rules in place. He slept in a dog basket downstairs. He didn't go on the sofas if ny dad was home. Mum occasionally had him up in the day on her knee. He was loved. He occasionally was allowed upstairs and might have laid on a sunspot on the bed whilst we got ready. But he didn't take over constantly.

I did sort of say something yesterday morning. He was sat on the opposite sofa and leaned over him so the dog was on his back. He was cuddling him and talking to him. I said how do I get you to do that to me. He tutted and sulked and sat up.

I don't get how he has no urges to have cuddles or sex with me anymore but he can be arsed to constantly cuddle a dog.

It doesn't surprise me anymore. He's not here today. I'm dreading this dog full size. It seems very abnormal to put yourself in a position where your whole day revolves around a dog. Also he goes outside and he's straight on my furniture. He doesn't even teach him about wet paws etc.

He took him on a train yesterday and had to get off the phone because a woman was allover the dog too. Apparently she cuddled him all the way to the station lol!

He isn't going to change. Lose him.

Original poster
HangryGoose · 02/03/2025 06:59

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 02/03/2025 06:56

This is where you have to think very carefully before allowing dogs to sleep on your bed...because if a bf/gf comes along you'll (hopefully!) be changing the rules to no dogs in order to do what lovers do.

Unfair and potentially hurtful for the loyal dog, so people need to think carefully.

(And I say this a dog person with one.myself!)

Edited

I think in general dogs shouldn't be equal in the household. He makes sure they don't beg for food etc. That's the only time he applies rules. They have to look away when we eat or lay down. But a dog should be happy with blankets, toys, a basket etc. It's annoying when we watch a film and the dogs lying behind our legs on the sofa. I genuinely loose sleep when a dogs blocked me moving the duvet or rolling over.

OP posts:
Flossflower · 02/03/2025 07:19

Do you normally let people walk all over you? This is your house. Tell your BF to take his dogs elsewhere.

SonoPazziQuestiRomani · 02/03/2025 07:29

I'd wager he got the dog knowing the landlord would boot him out. Lo and behold he's homeless and won't be able to find somewhere. Watch out for him asking to "temporarily" move in with you...