Do you provide?

[Mumworried1]

…If you don’t work?
I don’t work at the min, my youngest is not yet 2 and dd age 12 is nd so my hand are full.
my partner keeps saying I don’t provide.
he works & pays bills, I pay so some stuff mainly for kids essentials & activities from cb & c/a
my partner is the sole owner of house so he pays mortgage
I do all the cleaning & childcare
anyone in similar position does your partner see you as providing to the family?

You provide childcare and housework, who does he think is watching his kids while he works or washing his pants?

I’m sure you know you’re in an extremely vulnerable position living in a house he owns that he could kick you out of tomorrow. You have fewer rights than a tenant or a lodger. Are you comfortable with that? Is marriage on the cards? Is the 12 year old his?

What a charmer.
I couldn't be with someone who thought so little of me.
I'd be making escape plans.

Your keeping the home fires burning and the house running smoothly you're fine tell him to pipe down

in a year or two thing about getting your career back on track. DON'T let him persuade you to have another baby.

You provide a lot of non-monetary things.

But I'm v worried that you are with someone who feels strongly in monetary terms and you are not protected in a financial sense - in your shoes, without the protection of marriage Id be getting yourself back into the workforce sharpish and getting him to shoulder the burden of some of the non-financial provision. You're very vulnerable otherwise to someone who sounds like a twat.

It’s extremely concerning that he does not understand (or does not wish to) that your contribution is equal to his, especially since your youngest is aged two. Doesn’t bode well for the future, I’m afraid. Where does he get these outdated views from? I agree with previous poster that you are financially vulnerable not being married, as concerns the house for example.

I would be suspicious that he is planning to break up with you and he's keen to get himself off the hook financially.
I think you should ask him what he expects you to provide other than childcare, cooking, cleaning and laundry?

Your partner is disgusting.
There are a million things a family needs. Money is just one of them.
You are both providing certain needs of your shared family. This should be a partnership, but your husband doesn't see you as equal, does he?
I couldn't live like this.

Was yous taying home a shared decision?
If you were to go to work, would he share the workload that comes with a household and raising children?

You're very vulnerable as this man could make you homeless any time he wants.

You should focus on securing yourself financially and finding secure housing for yourself.

Being legally single you don't have any legal protections at all

OF COURSE you provide.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

Go online and find hourly rates for child nursery fees, house cleaning, taxi service, tutoring and homework support, laundry & ironing, gardening, dog walking, whatever else you do and calculate the number of hours you spend on each thing.

Then give the bastard an invoice.

Both his dc
marriage was on the the future cards but goal posts been moved many times, it’s obvious not happening now

Does your partner think money is the only thing required to run a household and raise children?

Sit down with him and say you're looking for a job. You'll need a full time carer for your child and childcare for your other child.

House chores will be equally divided as will be child duties such as drop offs and Dr appointments.

Tell him that you need to work out the finances now you'll need all the extra care.

Why isn't marriage on the cards? You've got a 12 year old child together FFS.

Do you want to marry him? If not, what do you want? Work out what you want and then follow the path towards that.

Hand him a bill at the end of the week for the work you've done, childcare, domestic chores, shopping, pet sitting etc. And the amount of hours you've worked.

I don't think you're in a good position with this man if he won't marry you and considers you not contributing though. If I were you I'd be looking at my future and what could go wrong and where you would end up.