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Original poster

Solicitor recommnendations - and back story

8 replies

Cara1985 · 28/02/2025 13:19

My husband and I look like we are heading for separation, It's an awful time as we have two young DC's - one nearly 4 and the other 18 months. I'd love some solicitor recommendations in Surrey and London - we are not high net worth at all but do pretty well - I would like an amicable process so looking for someone whose very good but fair and kind to give advice on family matters

A bit of background if anyone could advise?
There is a lot of tension in the house and I find his moods and presence set me on edge and my stomach in knots. We are trying to keep it civil but something will have to be done as we can't go on like this... I would like an amicable arrangement but he seems pretty angry right now but I'm hoping it will calm. He our savings in his account as he is the high earner (I've objected to this) but if I'm honest, the financial side is not my priority. The majority is in the house and I have all details on that. My primary concern is the children, they love their dad but naturally closer to me due to age and time spent. I feel that going 50/50 straight away may not be good for them as he has never really had them on his own for longer than a day and struggled when he did - probably something to build up to if he wanted that. On the flip side, every other weekend and one week night seems to long for them to go without seeing him and I know this would hurt him too. I'd be willing to work with him to find something that suited and also would be open to reduced maintenance if it meant that helped it along. Do you think they would be required to go 50/50 with him straight away if it went to court? I'd rather work out in mediation. Sorry this is a ramble! As you can imagine, things are very confusing right now.

OP posts:
Galectable · 01/03/2025 18:25

Have you had counselling? Your DH needs someone to talk to, to dial down his reaction to the situation. Sorry I can't help further but wishing you all the best.

Original poster
Cara1985 · 01/03/2025 19:17

Galectable · 01/03/2025 18:25

Have you had counselling? Your DH needs someone to talk to, to dial down his reaction to the situation. Sorry I can't help further but wishing you all the best.

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve tried to get him to counselling so many times but there’s a lot of resistance. He is sensible deep down though - so I think now he realises I’m serious he may be more accommodating. fingers crossed as I think it would help the situation immensely.

OP posts:
Galectable · 01/03/2025 19:45

It's very hard to separate when children are at a young and demanding age. Hard at any age of course, but there is that time when they are small and life is a blur. Do find support for yourself as well. Many lawyers will be able to manage the relationship issues, but make an appointment with several and choose one you click with. Be upfront that you are doing that, they will understand (speaking as someone who once worked in this area). Take your time. It's hard.

Original poster
Cara1985 · 02/03/2025 12:05

Galectable · 01/03/2025 19:45

It's very hard to separate when children are at a young and demanding age. Hard at any age of course, but there is that time when they are small and life is a blur. Do find support for yourself as well. Many lawyers will be able to manage the relationship issues, but make an appointment with several and choose one you click with. Be upfront that you are doing that, they will understand (speaking as someone who once worked in this area). Take your time. It's hard.

Thank you so much for your message. It’s very hard and I want to put the children first but not sure I can sustain the relationship much longer. That’s really good advice, thank you. I will seek support for myself too. Would you have any recommendations of solicitors from your previous work? Thank you

OP posts:
teenmaw · 02/03/2025 12:11

Does he even want them 50/50? I've never heard of a high earning man demanding he has his children half the time, at least not when the reality of that sinks in. Have you asked him? Best do that first and not put his back up further by doing it through a third party? I'd put it to him on the assumption he'll have them 50/50 as it would help you get on with work and life (reverse psychology) and I'll bet he pushes back 🤭

Galectable · 02/03/2025 13:46

To find a lawyer, Google is your friend. Search for a family lawyer near your home town, preferably offering a free initial consultation. People are hugely reluctant to offer up names. You may like to repost and rephrase your subject title to get more specific help on the steps you need to take now. Do be mindful of your own safety. Even the mildest man can become irate when his marriage is breaking down and his wife talks about leaving. Put your own and your children's safety first.

Original poster
Cara1985 · 04/03/2025 10:57

teenmaw · 02/03/2025 12:11

Does he even want them 50/50? I've never heard of a high earning man demanding he has his children half the time, at least not when the reality of that sinks in. Have you asked him? Best do that first and not put his back up further by doing it through a third party? I'd put it to him on the assumption he'll have them 50/50 as it would help you get on with work and life (reverse psychology) and I'll bet he pushes back 🤭

This is such a good point! Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Cara1985 · 04/03/2025 10:57

Galectable · 02/03/2025 13:46

To find a lawyer, Google is your friend. Search for a family lawyer near your home town, preferably offering a free initial consultation. People are hugely reluctant to offer up names. You may like to repost and rephrase your subject title to get more specific help on the steps you need to take now. Do be mindful of your own safety. Even the mildest man can become irate when his marriage is breaking down and his wife talks about leaving. Put your own and your children's safety first.

Thanks so much for all your advice - much appreciated. This is really helpful.

OP posts:
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