Miserable marriage

[socks2008]

Name changed as just feel it’s easier to stay totally anonymous but have been on Mumsnet 15 years with a lot of posts.

My dh is miserable. No joy in anything, rants about work and brings every conversation back to that or his ex wife and his divorce. We’ve been married 8 years and I think he thinks about how she hurt him hourly at the moment.
He hates everybody, hates the country, hates his job.
I asked him this morning if I made him happy and he couldn’t answer the question. Hasn’t answered the question.
Hadn't reached out to me since which pretty much gives me the answer.
I’m on my way to work fighting back the urge to cry or go home and talk this through with him but I have a full on work day to get through and if I don’t make him happy then what’s the point of talking. I work full time so have my own money, I look nice I go to the gym and don’t really ask anything of him I don’t think. Maybe I am a total drain on him without realising.

What an utter failure I am as a wife. First husband I didn’t satisfy in any way and he kept multiple women alongside our marriage and this one I can’t even make smile or laugh.
Is my only to leave or has anyone been here and come out the other side as couple still?

Get some therapy (psychotherapy) to try and figure out why you think you deserve to be treated so badly by your partners and what patterns you have that attract such losers.

Firstly, no response, is a response.
Secondly, they are the ones with problems, not you.
So if you don't make him happy, that's not on you. You are who you are. Perhaps not/no longer compatible.

There is nothing you can do in this situation, except find a way forward with or without him.

It's not your job to fix a broken man. It's his job. It's not your responsibility to keep a man happy or to make him happy.

Do you think that your h should be making you happy and keeping you happy? Do you think your roles should be the same? If not, why not?

I recommend you get some counselling to work out why you're stuck in this damaging way of thinking.

As for your h, what joy does he bring to you? I'd dump him. Work on yourself.

@socks2008 It sounds as though he is in a depression, something has likely triggered this, and probably not you. Many here will just say dump him. That is of course one option. However you could also encourage him to get help. It is not your responsibility to fix him, but there is no harm supporting him in fixing himself.
Maybe then you might get back the man you fell in live with? Maybe you won't. Understand what you will tolerate and not, give timelines to see changes. Stand firm to those if you decide not to jettison him.