I spent considerable time talking to both my DS1 and my dh last night.
It turns out that he had picked up on a conversation with my mum and dad (we live with them at the moment) where my mum carelessly had said that "it would be nice for QS is she had a little girl too, now she is one girl to three boys." We had been in the attic and found my old walking talking doll, nearly the same size as DS2. Apparently my mum had said to DS1 in a joke, "come look at your little sister". My mum is hoping we should decide to go for number 3..... I feel too old for pregnancy and more babies.
DS1 said afterwords he just wanted it to be more even for me, to be two girls and two boys in the family.
My dh, on the other hand, is not so easy to excuse, he is a grown up, and what he said was a little worse than silly musings based on a sudden interest in gender.
Ok, he has issues with me being overweight and unhealthy, as he fears for our future and he want us to be able to fit and active and healthy (I had another thread about that) and he does have a bit of a temper, and he can say some hurtful things now and then. But he isnt an abusive man. Yesterday was way OTT, and I gave him quite a bollocksing for that. He came home from jogging thinking himself to be in the right, but he soon realized that he had made a terrible mistake and been outright nasty to me and our son.
We did argue about it for the first five minutes, till he went quiet, and said "oh God, I have really been terrible, havent I." He thougth he was sticking up for DS2, thinking that qs is always favouring DS1 and isnt coming down hard enough on him. We had a long and honest talk yesterday, and he thinks I favour DS1. That is not the case, but he is in school, and DS2 spends quite a lot of time with me, so when DS1 is home, it is only natural that I try spend some quality time with him.
It is just so typical how some men work such long hours, and just get the fun part of playing with their kids a little before bedtime. They miss out so much on their characters, their growth. My dh doesnt know the dynamics between our two boys, there is so much he doesnt know, because of his long working hours. It is sad.
But because we have left everything behind (lived in London until 6 weeks ago), moved to Norway to live with my parents (house not ready till Christmas), and we dont have our belongings because the removal agency has lost our goods, we dont have a car (borrowing my sisters) as we cant afford one, we cant afford a holiday this year to to see his mum, sister and brother, it is all pretty crap. He isnt blaming me, but he appears a little bitter, like "you got what you want, you happy now? well, I am not." Like he says, we had a house, a car, children settled in school and nursery, plans to buy an old campervan for holidaying with his family, and now we have nothing. But worst of all, it is affecting his work that I cant work as I have no childcare till august, and I am managing the finances of the company. He has taken over my mums study, and feel very much that we are threading on eggshells in my parents home. He is frustrated and I can see that.
We all make mistakes, I am not throwing him out for this, he is human, and most of the time a good and patient father, and a good husband too. We just have to get through this period, manage our time better so he can be with the boys more, and I can get some work done.
Soapbox I find what you say very offencive and way out of line.
I can easily defend the actions of my child, I know him, he is kind and caring, sharing and attentive and usually very helpful to his brother, his love for his little brother is very apparent. He has said something thoughtless, he has not been abusive. To label a six year old abusive over this, is just twisted.