Is my anxiety getting the better of me?

[Snoopywoopy123]

I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible.
been with partner 5 years, mostly good relationship he is kind and caring and I know he loves me.
I have an anxious attachment style and am in therapy for this and really trying not to react to triggers and put my insecurities on my partner. But I get quite confused sometimes as to what might be me just feeling anxious and insecure and what might not be ok and I am justified in being upset about, I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, the other day in my local village pub, a very attractive lady in her early twenties walked in and she had on a short skirt and high heels. Very stunning and also very unusual to see someone dressed like that in that particular pub if you see what I mean. I noticed my partners eyes look at her legs as she walked past, it was a quick glance and then when she walked past again he had another quick glance. I did mention it in a jokey way but recognise I was feeling insecure that he was noticing this lady. He told me not to be silly he loved my legs and yes he noticed her but that was all.
I keep thinking about it and feeling insecure. Was this ok? He wasn’t staring just two quick glances, would that bother the majority?

I could really do with a sanity check as I doubt myself so much whilst trying to manage my anxious thoughts and behaviours. I haven’t mentioned it again to my partner.

Thank you for reading.

I think I'd be okay with this. I guess it depends how blatant it is (leering at another woman is definitely not on), how often this happens (once in a blue moon is fine, every day is not), and if he takes your worries seriously (which it sounds like he does since he reassured you). So as long as he is respectful of you and doesn't make a habit of staring at other women, then I wouldn't worry, OP. It's human nature to recognise when someone is attractive.

Thank you. I don’t think he was leering. I’m so hyper vigilant about this sort of stuff to that as soon as she walked in, my partner had his back to her I thought, oh I bet he looks at her legs so I was looking for it. I absolutely hate being like this. My counsellor has said the more I look for stuff like this the more I will see it.

I mean you probably looked at her more so I think it's ok. Looking doesn't mean anything it's natural

You noticed her and must have looked to be able to see what she was wearing. I think it is the same with your partner, especially if she looked out of place.

I understand the anxieties though, I struggle with similar thoughts but it's doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about here x

Thank you. I think my insecurities and imagination runs away with me. So I imagine that he can’t just be noticing her, I think he will be thinking oh I wish I was with her or she’s better looking than my partner and all sorts of things that I can’t possibly know.

If a handsome guy walked in a bar I might notice but then wouldn’t give it any head space at all, I don’t know why I can’t just think that it could be the same for my partner! Insecure attachments are flipping infuriating at times!