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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have found sexual messages from my boyfriend to my cousin

7 replies

Dodgyshoulder · 26/02/2025 11:29

I have been with my boyfriend over three years and we have a young baby together.
In the past there have been instances of drunken messages to women but nothing more. I decided to forgive him and move on from it(silly me).

Now me and my cousin have always been close, but she is a compulsive liar and is very well known for telling lies in the family.

About three months ago, a girl reached out to me regarding her boyfriend. At first she was really angry and told me, that me and my cousin had been sleeping with her boyfriend. I was so confused, I soon realised that this was a guy I had been seeing about 5 years ago. She had gone through his phone and found very old messages of me speaking to him, I didn’t know at the time he had a girlfriend. So this was all news to me, but what was worse is she let me know that my cousin had been sleeping with him at the same time behind my back, I had no idea about this. My cousin was very aware of me and this guy as I would talk to her about him. I confronted my cousin and she claims this was all a lie, even though the girl had sent proof. I decided to move on from this because it had happened so many years ago, I didn’t really care and I was in a whole new relationship with my current partner and had a baby.

Fast forward to Saturday, it was my son’s birthday. We had a birthday party at my aunties then my cousin decided to come home with us to continue the celebration. All fine. The next day she came over and I made dinner, nothing to report. We had a good day.

Yesterday, I was scrolling on his phone to send the videos from my son’s party. On a whim, I decided to check his messages. In his recycle bin I saw a message to my cousin that said “ you are being so cheeky, I want to feel that tight little …..” I don’t know if anything else was deleted. I confronted him and he completely denied it so I kicked him out. My cousin is acting oblivious and claims that she never received the message even though it was delivered. I blocked her. I feel that even if nothing happened between them, why wouldn’t she tell me he had messaged her.

It makes me wonder as there has been quite a few times they have been alone together when I’ve been in hospital or they’ve stayed up talking and I’ve gone to bed. I trusted them both so wouldn’t expect this. I’m shocked and angry. I don’t know what I’m expecting here but just wanted to vent I guess. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:
butterdish93 · 26/02/2025 11:48

Im so sorry. They've definitely been having sex.
Get them both out of your life. Well done for kicking him out.

Maddy70 · 26/02/2025 11:56

Get rid of them both

Catlord · 26/02/2025 12:10

I would take that as sufficient evidence that they've had sex. Even if it was 'just' sexting that would be a deal-breaker for me so it doesn't really matter whether they deny anything further. It's a disgusting breach of trust.

Dodgyshoulder · 26/02/2025 12:41

Yep I agree with you all. I think they have had sex and to make matters worse. I’ve spoken to other family members and they are both still lying about it.

OP posts:
Hulahooplaa · 26/02/2025 13:51

Wow your cousin is vile

Dodgyshoulder · 26/02/2025 16:05

I think yesterday I was in shock but now I’m actually so broken. I had a family with this man, that’s all gone now. Due to him and someone that is my family. I want to go crazy. I’m so lost. He’s a bastard but I can’t believe that she has done this to me.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 26/02/2025 17:46

He's a bastard but I can’t believe she has done this to me.

@Dodgyshoulder, this is a hideous double betrayal. Your cheating BF is lower than low. Your Cousin’s treacherous behavior shouldn’t be a surprise, however, as she had previously done this very thing to you. Her M.O. is to take what you have, and BF jumped on board with that. They both have harmed you and your child.

End things with BF and make child contact arrangements by email. Cut contact permanently with Cousin.

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