I want out asap - How are people leaving their partner who own a house together?

[CelaenaAelinSardothien]

I need to leave my relationship, it’s horrendous and my kids are starting to suffer the consequences of how selfish my partner has turned the last 5 years

we’re not married and part of me is thinking perhaps I should jump to a registry office & marry him (because he would if it meant more control over me) as he is in the army and I will be entitled to part of his pension when he leaves in 4 years

We have a house together and I’m not prepared to leave the relationship until I have a plan/know I am financially secure we only see him in the weekends so I can suffer abut longer if it means providing a better life for my kids.

who do I talk to about this other than a mortgage advisor , what free services are there to speak to and plan my way out?

I think with maintenance and maybe upping my hours I can afford it however I earn 22k a year part time but even if I went full time I can’t seem to find a mortgage lender online that will lend me enough for a £180k mortgage, the most I seem to get is like 60k which doesn’t seem fair as I can afford the monthly payments

I will only just about have enough cash to buy out my partner on the house if i hang on until my inheritance comes through.

but how else have single mums managed to keep their family home on a mortgage? What lenders are you with? What help have you managed to get?

I just don’t understand how I am meant to boss it as a single working mum in this economy? I know I can go down the social house route, but we love our family home and I’ve worked so hard for it over the past 7 years we’ve been here

Go full time now. Start saving, start focussing on your earning power. This will also up your own pension contributions.

even if you can’t afford a house look at flats. Your kids are young, buy somewhere smaller with a view to moving when you’re back on your feet.

Well he can get army accommodation so he will be fine

You should contact London & Country mortgages and they can tell you which lenders might look at you

Im certain on 22k you’ll get UC, help with childcare costs, maintenance, child benefit

Also L&C will tell you how much you need to earn to get close to borrowing the amount you need

Consider asking him to stay on the mortgage and maybe drawing up a new agreement reapportioning your share of the home?

Phone your bank and ask, they can talk you through it and were very helpful to me letting me know options. They also put a flag on my account to not mention any of the conversations to my ex.

Speak with a solicitor as well and find out what you might be entitled to and what the process looks like for separating. They can also set out what is happening with regards to the property in a letter for you so it is clear.

I will advise anyone against buying a house with a deed of trust, they are a fucking nightmare and you have my sympathy. You can and you will get through this.

And also agree with a pp who said you knew when you had your last child that this relationship was toxic so just why?!

Why are so many posters on this thread describing the OP's partner as things she hasn't actually said?

OP said he was selfish, one poster then described him as 'angry and controlling' and another as 'dangerous' wtf?

This isn't helpful to the OP - ask questions, don't make assumptions about the situation!

Sorry to hear about your situation.

If you did marry him, how likely is he to make a seperation and divorce very difficult?

On the mortgage front, 180k is a lot for one person on 36k, it's usually 4.5 x salary max, and that depends on things like age, how long you have till retirement, previous credit history etc. A long 35 year mortage also incurrs a hell of a lot of interest, it takes a lot of years to start making any meaningful dent in paying off the capital.

Also consider that if you did rent and have 60k in the bank, the interest you would earn on it each would a decent amount (approx £220 a month) to top up your earnings.

Edit : just realised that this an old thread!