Reassurance regarding narc ex

[Clmtrrt]

Its been a while since my ex discarded me and things are civil for our child despite the horrors he put me through. I wanted to ask the question because I felt in his message he actually acknowledged that he treated me badly. He isnt diagnosed, but I am certain he is NPD or heavily narcissistic.

How is he gonna play dumb when he got me to the point of psychiatric intervention and a PTSD diagnosis? LOL

Because he is on hinge looking for a 'long term relationship' and his profile seems sweet its making me feel that maybe he will treat someone else better and it was some fault of mine why he ultimately treated me so badly and left me for my 'friend' whilst I was pregnant.

Logically I know thats not true, but somewhere in me I still have these feelings that I just wasnt attractive enough, cool enough, fun enough, caring enough etc

I suppose I need reassurance that this is not a response that any half decent human would give to such a question?

He isn’t reassuring narcassist never admit to it being them.
It takes a while but you will realise it wasn’t you and he definitely won’t treat anyone else any better . His mask will slip and you should feel
sorry for the next victim.

Are you going through therapy. If not can you ?
It will Massively help you move on from it all.

Why are you still in contact .?
You messages show that you are looking to to him for answers.

He won’t give you the answers you crave.

put you energy into getting over how you were treated and focusing on a happy you and your future.

We are in contact because we share a 9 month old...usually we just talk about our son but I am in therapy, and I felt I wanted to ask just to see what he would say.

I can't say that I am surprised or shocked. I know the answers deep down, but I still doubt myself

left me for my 'friend' whilst I was pregnant.

So that beautiful romance didn't work out?

Surely not.

Of course it didn't. He was awful to her

I know the answers deep down, but I still doubt myself

Any time you feel like this, act as though a sister or friend was telling you what happened/how this man behaves etc. and write down what you'd think and what you'd say to her.

You have the answers yourself.

And what do you mean he comes across as sweet on his dating profile ..... Of course he fucking does. There have been murderers on dating sites whose got dates!!

Maybe you should use a co-parenting app so you don't communicate by message etc a d can't get drawn into conversations.

Don't bother getting into this conversation with him again. If he's narcissistic, he'll never admit any fault. He didn't acknowledge anything in these messages, just that whatever you feel is only your opinion.

He needs to appear like a sweet guy in his dating profile, otherwise no one would date him! He needs to reel them in, love bomb, then break them like he did to you. A narcissists mask will always slip.

I'm sure you weren't perfect in your relationship (none of us are!) but that doesn't mean he gets to treat you like crap. You should thank your lucky stars that he buggered off and you can be free from your abuser before the damage got any worse.

Don't look to him for answers, because you won't get any.

I wish you and your LO the best future ❤️

You need to stop looking to him for closure because he'll never give you what you need. Ultimately you're only hurting yourself by engaging with him and looking for answers from him in this way.

Your worth is not dependant on his opinion of you. And chances are he'll treat any future partners just as badly as he treated you eventually.

You will never get the answers you want and closure from a narcissist because in their own head they’re never ever wrong

Give yourself your own closure by accepting you’ll never get him to admit the reality and just feel relief you don’t have to deal with his lying bullshit any more.

Most blokes can hold a facade for a short while. Until they have hooked their next victim.. My exh advertised himself on Tinder as driving a Mercedes.. Failed to mention that was in fact the work's van...

You'll never get the answers you want from a narcissist. You have been discarded and never will the pedestal he once put you on be there again. He did see you as enough, as good enough, as perfect enough once. Don't doubt yourself. I was married for 10 years to one. (didn't have a clue I was with a narcissist until it ended and I had therapy) I am very attractive, I am a nice person I gave 100 per cent in my marriage. I'm now a trained counsellor. I was broken by him emotionally. He cheated, gaslit me and tried and failed to destroy my self-worth. I had 6 months of counselling to untangle from the self-doubt and nasty comments he made about me. Like you, I thought I was going out of my mind, not understanding what he was doing to me or why.

My last ex did the same the minute he started lying to his new supply that we had rubbish passion (absolute lie) we were together 3 years, and our passion was off the scale amazing he'd tell me loads when were together that he wanted to Marry me (I was going through a divorce so couldn't have got married even if we had it booked). I even have texts from when we were together where he says how amazing our passion was and how hot I looked. Yet we ended out of nowhere when he told me he was leaving me and then all the lies came out, and I told him straight to stop lying and gaslighting me as it wouldn't cut with me. When were together he would tell me I was sexy and beautiful. Then when I discovered that he had monkey branched to a new woman, I got sent a message calling me ugly and fat ( I am no so thing and had plenty of gorgeous men since tell me I'm gorgeous) I'm a UK size 12 clothes wise. It's just the nasty narcissist you should see the state of the woman he ended up with. Plain Jane and a nasty tongue on her (As she too sent me an email saying I'd never meant anything to him and that he wanted to marry her and he clearly had no intention of marrying me). Hes now in debt and using buses living in the worst area of my town. He didn't win new supply he took a step downward big style.