Am I Being Controlling?

[SoConfusedByIt]

Tonight DH was over an hour late getting home from work, not really a problem as he often stays late in the office, but when I look at his location he was nowhere near the office. So I messaged to checked if he was out with work, it took him an hour to reply and he’d gone to a work event last minute. Really pissed off that he didn’t tell me that he wasn’t going to the event. I don’t mind him going out at all, but when he doesn’t tell me in advance I fill like he is taking advantage of me and has a lack of respect, but is it controlling to need to know his every move.

so as not to drip feed I’m not worried about cheating, but we have a SEN child who can be a handful in the evenings

I dont think its unreasonable to expect him to let you know he decided last minute to go out and would be late home. I guess if it's just a one off that he didnt let you know then just have to let it go but you wouldn't want that to keep happening.

I think it's reasonable that he lets you know that he's going to be late, and it would be normal to say why.

It's the disrespect of you just being the default parent at all times, as if he doesn't even need to consider turning up to look after his own child. He's got big important things to do, that you don't need any acknowledgement of, now go look after his offspring.

Fuck that.

He is a parent too and he can't just assume that you will be around to pick up the slack with your child. As a matter of fairness and consideration, he should have contacted you to let you know about his change of plans, unless there is a history here and some reason why he wouldn't?

But I do have to ask, why you have a tracker on his phone?

It's unusual and on its face appears controlling to physically track your partner.

It's rude of him not to inform you of his whereabouts as you share your life and childcare responsibilities.

Did he not say anything for fear of being nagged?

Thanks for the comments, if he’d have told me, it would not have bothered me at all, I’m fine with him going for spontaneous drinks, I just like to know what is going on and as some have said not be taken for granted

I think it's basic manners to let your spouse know you'll be late home.

I think it is controlling to track their whereabouts.

on the point of trackers we both have them and I know he uses it to track me when I’m out too. We also track our parents and siblings

I think it's really rude and thoughtless not to let you know he would be home late. It's like he didn't give a second thought to you or your child, or didn't care. I wouldn't be happy either.

You don't need to know his every move, but I don't think it's controlling to be annoyed that he didn't let you know he would be late.

A lot of people worry that something bad might have happened when a regular routine is broken and someone isn't home when they usually are. I start to worry when it gets to 6pm and DH isn't home. Usually, the second I press 'send' on a text, he walks straight through the door 😂

If everyone is aware and agrees to being tracked, I don't see it as a problem. That's what it's for at the end of the day!

That’s really odd. Why do you need to track everyone?

I would 100% expect DH to inform me of his plans if different to our usual routine. It's utterly bizarre to me to think he wouldn't tell me. You're at home expecting him his usual time and he just doesn't show up or respond to a text? He's not a single man with no responsibilities. I can kind of see how checking location could be seen as controlling, but assuming it's something you both have set up and agreed to, not you secretly tracking him? Otherwise absolutely not controlling!