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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling sad as I reminiscent about the past *MNHQ adding content warning for CSA*

4 replies

Mabris · 25/02/2025 17:40

Today, I couldn't help crying as I've had a very difficult past. I lived with an aunt from the age of 12 but from the age of 13, her husband began to sexually molest me. I had nowhere else to go, the abuse carried on for years until aged 17, I met and fell in love with a guy who was a new arrival in the country. I ran away from my aunt's (as she too treated me like a slave )to go and live with this guy. He immediately proposed marriage to me, although I was scared , I accepted and we married when I was 18 years old. Unfortunately the home office declined to issue his residence permit and instead kept his passport for the next 6 years. This meant I became the sole breadwinner, putting myself through university and working full time. At aged 23, I had save up enough to put down a deposit for an ex council house. I went on to have 2 children with my husband. After 8 years of marriage, he was finally issued a visa to stay in the country. We then purchased a second larger family house jointly and rented out my 1st property. My husband became quite nasty overnight, mentally abusing me, staying out late, taking other women to nightclubs, etc. Within a year of him receiving his visa, he demanded a separation and asked me to move out. I was so stunned by it all, I moved back into my rental property hoping we'll sell the family house at a later date. Things spiralled out of control i subsequently suffered a mental breakdown so my husband cared for the Children during the time I was in hospital (8 weeks). He filed for custody upon my release and after 2 years struggle in the courts, he was granted custody of my children as the judge felt my mental health was fragile. He then filed for divorce and was awarded the main primary residence but my name could not be removed from the mortgage as I was the higher earner. Whilst my children lived with him, he neglected them. I worked hard in rebuilding my life, met a wonderful man and because of the neglect my children suffered, I succeeded to win back custody of them 4 years later. I'm now married to the love of my life who, after 16 years together still treats me like his queen. My children are thriving both at university. My ex husband on the other hand has since remarried 3 times and brought women from abroad. Each one of them has arrived in the country and within months, they've ran away. He subsequently lost his home and is now living in a shared house with other lodgers. My husband and I own multiple properties and we have been blessed in so many ways 🙏🏽🙏🏽. It just saddens me that i had to endure so much hardship to get to this point in life. I feel sorry for my ex husband however, my husband reminds me that if he had his way, it would be me in his situation. My aunty has since divorced her husband and I've never spoken to anyone about the abuse I suffered as they are both elderly and frail, I'm afraid they might both end up in jail

OP posts:
MaltipooMama · 25/02/2025 22:08

Oh gosh I'm not surprised you're feeling sad, what a turbulent childhood and beyond you've had, I'm so sorry you had so endure so much trauma. Just wanted to say how amazing I think you are for getting to the place you're in now and it's wonderful that you're finally able to enjoy what sounds like a lovely, happy and fulfilling life. However to add, have you had any counselling or therapy to talk through the issues from your past? I'd say there was so much going on that until you fully address them they may (understandably) continue to have some hold over you and prevent you from fully moving on which would be a real shame as you definitely deserve to try and get some closure on some of these awful experiences. Wishing you all the best OP

Mabris · 26/02/2025 08:19

MaltipooMama · 25/02/2025 22:08

Oh gosh I'm not surprised you're feeling sad, what a turbulent childhood and beyond you've had, I'm so sorry you had so endure so much trauma. Just wanted to say how amazing I think you are for getting to the place you're in now and it's wonderful that you're finally able to enjoy what sounds like a lovely, happy and fulfilling life. However to add, have you had any counselling or therapy to talk through the issues from your past? I'd say there was so much going on that until you fully address them they may (understandably) continue to have some hold over you and prevent you from fully moving on which would be a real shame as you definitely deserve to try and get some closure on some of these awful experiences. Wishing you all the best OP

Thank you so much. This means a lot to me. No, I've never sought counselling before and I do believe that I will need to at some point. I'm generally a well adjusted person and I try not to allow my past to affect who I am today however, I can't help but think the bubble will burst one day. Thank you, will seek therapy

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/02/2025 08:32

The abuses you suffered in your earlier years are not your fault; this is totally on those who abused you for their own ends.

In time you may well want to speak to the police regarding your abusive aunt and her now ex husband's treatment of you. They may be elderly now but age is no excuse and there is far more awareness re people being kept in slavery these days. Abuse also thrives on secrecy.

NAPAC are an organisation worth contacting. A link is here:

https://napac.org.uk/

My best wishes to you going forward.

Mabris · 26/02/2025 11:37

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/02/2025 08:32

The abuses you suffered in your earlier years are not your fault; this is totally on those who abused you for their own ends.

In time you may well want to speak to the police regarding your abusive aunt and her now ex husband's treatment of you. They may be elderly now but age is no excuse and there is far more awareness re people being kept in slavery these days. Abuse also thrives on secrecy.

NAPAC are an organisation worth contacting. A link is here:

https://napac.org.uk/

My best wishes to you going forward.

Thank you so much. I will make a note of that

OP posts:
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