Not compatible but stuck

[Amazingsuzy]

We have been together for over 15 years and have 2 small children. We have had our difficulties in the past but somehow always got back together.
I now find it really hard being with him. He has this energy that makes me stressed and anxious when he is in the room, like there is always something im not doing right, he always nags me re household stuff. We always disagree on childcare too.
I now realise im a house cat and he is the opposite. I wish he was same house cat as myself, I wish he was calm, empathetic, which he is not. I realise now i made a
wrong choice of a man back then.
However i do feel stuck in this relationship as i have 2 small boys and i want them to have a father. He loves the boys very much too.
Dont offer therapy as he doesnt want to do it.

Break up, they'll still have a father just not one that lives with you

You wanting them to have a father figure (why do you think this because he really is a shit example of a partner to you, let alone father) does not further warrant this abusive treatment of you, and in turn them. Children love their parents anyway no matter how crap and or otherwise abusive they actually are. Do not further make your kids feel at all responsible for your poor choice of man.

Give your head a wobble here re wanting them to have a father figure and put your children's interests first rather than him.

Did you have a shit father/mother too when you were growing up?. I presume this is where such poor thinking has come from.

Better to be from a so called broken home than to remain in one.

If he is that bothered about his children he can see them in a contact centre. Do not do all the running here re access. He can make some effort here.

You have a choice re this man, your children do not. Make better choices with both you and they in mind, not him.

You want your boys to have a father.
Well, he doesn't have to stop being a father just because you get a divorce, does he? Being a (present) father is a choice. One only he can make.

Instead of wanting some kind of life for your boys and sacrificing your own happiness for it, maybe just think of the kind of life you want for yourself and believe in your abilities and the abilities of your children to deal with whatever comes your way. A lot of children have absent or unbothered fathers. It's not great, but it's also not the end of the world.