Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship is falling apart

15 replies

Rach7291 · 25/02/2025 06:46

Me and my partner have been together for 7 years. Our sex life has always been a bit boring. He is not experimental at all and has quite a low sex drive. I am the total opposite. We’ve had countless conversations over the years about it and he always says he wants to do more but never does. Now we’ve had our baby, its just disappeared completely. We’ve had sex twice in 8 months. I am climbing the walls and he’s completely fine. I don’t understand how to change it because its all down to him. I’ve tried everything and now i’m lost for what to do. Every time we talk about it, he says he wants to make it better, but then does nothing. I've tried making the first move, which results in him getting what he needs and then nothing for me.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/02/2025 07:20

Every time we talk about it, he says he wants to make it better, but then does nothing

So why do you expect change now?

Carlou · 25/02/2025 07:31

I my opinion he's rather a selfish lover .. getting what he wants but not for you. No thought for your needs.

Glorybox2025 · 25/02/2025 07:32

He's always been the same so I'm not sure why you expect him to change? That's not who he is.

Original poster
Rach7291 · 25/02/2025 07:36

@DustyLee123 because for the first year or so, he wasn't like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rach7291 · 25/02/2025 07:38

@Glorybox2025 when we met, he wasn't like this. His sex drive was actually higher than mine. But for the last 6 or so years its just got worse

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 25/02/2025 07:41

You are sexually mismatched. You need to leave if it’s something you can’t live with. To keep going back to the same conversation amounts to trying to pressure him into having sex you know he doesn’t want.

Read your post back and reverse the genders? The man would be lambasted as a sex pest.

DustyLee123 · 25/02/2025 07:43

Rach7291 · 25/02/2025 07:38

@Glorybox2025 when we met, he wasn't like this. His sex drive was actually higher than mine. But for the last 6 or so years its just got worse

But that’s not how your first post reads.

Original poster
Rach7291 · 25/02/2025 07:45

@StormingNorman i'm not trying to pressure him into anything. He says he wants to have sex and make it better. I've asked him if he's unhappy or if he doesn't want sex anymore, he always says he's happy and wants to go back to how it was. I've never pressured him into anything

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/02/2025 07:46

Men say what you want to hear to keep the peace. If he’s not acting on it, he’s stringing you along.

StormingNorman · 25/02/2025 07:48

Rach7291 · 25/02/2025 07:45

@StormingNorman i'm not trying to pressure him into anything. He says he wants to have sex and make it better. I've asked him if he's unhappy or if he doesn't want sex anymore, he always says he's happy and wants to go back to how it was. I've never pressured him into anything

You keep having the same conversation - that’s pressuring him. You’re hounding him.

Of course he tells you what you want to hear, he doesn’t want to rock the boat.

Take note of his actions rather than his words.

Gettingbysomehow · 25/02/2025 07:48

Everyone has lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship then revert back to their normal. His normal isn't yours. You can't make people more sexual than they are. You can't keep going on at him. He will just say things to placate you.
Maybe he will agree to an open relationship or polyamory.

Bornnotbourne · 25/02/2025 07:56

Has he got problems with ED? My partner used to have a huge sex drive but he’s p gained weight and from what I gather this is caused him problems. It is a deal breaker in relationships as I have no interest in him anymore due to the years of poor intimacy.

Original poster
Rach7291 · 25/02/2025 08:00

@Bornnotbourne he did have. He had to be circumcised early on in our relationship and it messed him up for a while. We were using tablets for a while but we got to a point that he didn't need them. He doesn't have that problem anymore

OP posts:
Endofyear · 25/02/2025 08:21

OP I would say his actions speak louder than words. You have told him that you are unhappy and he has not made any effort to rectify the situation. This tells you that he doesn't see it as a priority.

I think you have to have a conversation and agree a plan to improve the intimacy in your relationship. Can you set aside some time every week, get baby to bed and sit down together, have a nice meal and a glass of wine, cuddle up on the sofa and watch something romantic or have a bath/shower together, use some nice massage oils and see where it takes you? It takes a bit of work and effort to reanimate the intimacy but it can be done if both partners are willing to make the effort.

If he isn't willing to commit time and effort to reconnecting then you will have to consider if you want to continue with the relationship.

Maitri108 · 25/02/2025 08:48

Stop talking to him about it as he's not going to change. Sex can't be that important to you if you stuck around for 7 years with someone boring in bed.

I'm sure he has lots of other attributes that kept you in the relationship despite your sex life. Focus on those or finish the relationship.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page