My parent has gotten into a new relationship and I need some advice! Trigger warning *possible narcy behaviour*

[Lozmufc25]

So
as it says my parent has gotten in a new relationship which although I say new it’s around 2-3 years now (new as they were with someone else for a very long time).
if you’ve got this far I’ll now state it’s my dad and it genuinely feels like the new girlfriend is controlling him and displaying cohesive and controlling behaviour. My dad has always been a hard working, sociable, outgoing and generally a very talkative person.
However he has admitted a few things recently which include; her not allowing him to work in particular have female customers. Not allowing him to go to work alone (his other job), I invited him to an event with me and his grandchild (who he hasn’t actually seen properly in around 18months), and when I did she kicked off with him, which he then decided not to come to she also ignored him for days on end etc. I also invited him to his other grandchilds birthday meal which again she kicked off with him for and ignored him days which again he didn’t come to. Recently me and my siblings have been trying to arrange something for his special birthday coming up and I messaged his girlfriend asking if they had any plans etc.
she’s then kicked off with him again and told him which clearly if I’m messaging her shows it’s a surprise and now he’s talking about not coming to it.
genuinely don’t know what to do or why I’m even writing this because it clearly is controlling but my question is what can I actually do ? Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this.
they split up & get back together all the time and obviously without him taking action is there really anything we can do?
I just want my dad back 😫

There's not much you can do. You could try and bring it up gently but it's something he needs to recognise himself.

We do bring it up and each time he says things like yea I think it’s done etc, but then says stuff like I just want an easy life etc, but there was even another episode in the airport where she started screaming at him because he took too long at the shop and he even had to show the receipt to prove what time he was served etc. x

He doesn't see it as abuse. He probably says it's just the way she is. Just let him know that if he needs support you're there.

Thanks for your reply yes I do this whenever it’s spoken about but I’m also getting angry about it too now which isn’t helping x

I know it's frustrating but you don't want her to isolate him further. He knows you're there for him so keep the line of communication open and bide your time.

You need to be very careful here not to give her any ammunition that she could use to isolate your dad from you. Stay calm, don’t slate her to your dad, however much you want to. It does sound like she’d like nothing more than to get between you. Choose your words carefully and wait. You can’t do much more at the moment but let him keep confiding in you.

Get him to watch some YouTube videos about abusive relationships. I read a book called the Verbally Abusive Relationship which laid the dynamics out in black and white. Once you see how things work behind the scenes the whole shit show comes crashing down

What’s your dad been like before? Is it that he’s the sort of bloke that drops out of family life when he has a new lady. Has he previously been consistent with attention? Has he been consistently thoughtful? As a child and adult?

The only thing you can do is show him over and over again that he can come to you. That no matter how messed up the relationship becomes, however many times they break up and get back together, you'll be here to support him.
One day he'll be ready to really leave her and it's important to know he has somewhere to go.
In the mean time, keep pointing out that her behaviour isn't normal. He may have gotten used to most of it by now, but showing how shocked you are to hear those things keeps him checked into reality.

I agree with PP that you need to stay in close touch with your dad and ask him now and then whether he's happy being bossed around and given the silent treatment. You can't do much else, it's his choice.

I think there are two types of men , those who once single can't wait to be single , do their hobbies, go down the pub etc and those who rush into finding a replacement because they either want someone to field the domestic load and look after them, want to look like they can still 'pull' or don't have that much going on generally so want the company and feel odd on their own - it makes for a lot of sticking with the first remotely interested party I feel, however unsuited - I don't think women on their own tend to feel the same way-