Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I give my partner one more chance?

23 replies

Callsaspadeaspade · 24/02/2025 20:35

I was with my partner for 5 years. He moved in with me and my son who has Aspergers and it didn't work out. My son hated him living with us and he didn't understand his Aspergers. We agreed on my partner moving out and me and him continuing the relationship. It has been very up and down. Nice times punctuated by his resentment of my relationship with my child and in my opinion downright jealousy! He drinks a lot. Half a bottle of Bacardi most nights and it doesn't agree with him. He's a twat on alcohol. He has called me a c**t and bitch when drunk because I told him I'd pick my dog over him. I'd pick my dog over him as she never does me any harm. End of. He has moaned about our situation and thinks my son is spoilt. My son is 19. A good kid who is very quiet and doesn't go out or drink or smoke. I adore my son. Anyway, I finished with my partner 5 weeks ago. I've been doing ok. We had an argument one night when he was drinking and I just snapped. I told him I wasn't taking his resentment of my son anymore and that he drinks far too much and that the names he called me was emotional abuse. He has texted on and off since and I have been very matter of fact and cold. He is now saying he gets my protectiveness of my son and that he will cut back on his drinking. I enjoy a drink too like most people but not to that extent! I'm 50. He said I have to make my mind up for good and that it's not fair on him to have gone without a hug for over a month and he is lonely. FS. Is he a narcissist? He doesn't have kids of his own and his parents are dead. I have my parents and some good friends. He has insulted my child on drink to me before and I went ballistic. I genuinely think he wants to be number one. He never will be. I've tried explaining Aspergers to him over and over the last few years and he just doesn't get it! If my son acts a bit strangely He can't help it! He would never say anything to my son's face and is polite to him. Anyway, I've been feeling a bit jittery the last couple of days as I know it's time to tell him it's really over for good and to go no contact. I'm scared of going backwards and if I went back with him that these problems will arise again down the line. Should I run? Is he a lost cause? Is he manipulating me into feeling a bit sorry for him as if I'm a cold person for avoiding him for 5 weeks? He lives nearby. Any clarity from an outsider would help clear my head. No cheeky answers please as I am a very good mother just trying to sort my life out in my fifties. I've been married before. Thanks.

OP posts:
Stripeyanddotty · 24/02/2025 20:37

Jesus - surely being single has to be better than this???

Emotionalsupporthamster · 24/02/2025 20:40

Fuck no, there’s absolutely nothing you said that would make anyone reading that think that he’s worth one more moment of your time. You deserve better than an abusive drunk who resents your relationship with you child. Block him and move on!

ItsFreedomBabyYeah · 24/02/2025 20:40

No. You two are definitely not compatible. You are right to prioritise your son. Your ex is a wanker for moaning about it & not understanding. Block & Delete.

tsmainsqueeze · 24/02/2025 20:44

Are you seriously asking this ?
I hope you don't give him another chance for your poor son's sake.

ThinkingThroughOptions · 24/02/2025 20:46

Yes run.

TipsyJoker · 24/02/2025 20:47

Not a chance would I entertain this asshole. The minute he said anything about my son he’d be binned. He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by making you feel guilty for his supposed loneliness. Well, don’t be because it was his own shitty behaviour that lead him to be lonely. I would just block him and not ever contact him again. You owe him nothing and you’ve already told him it’s over. He doesn’t need to be told multiple times.

User7288339 · 24/02/2025 20:48

It's a no from me

Itsseweasy · 24/02/2025 20:50

Your son and dog sound lovely, just why would you want to be back with your awful abusive ex?!

Callsaspadeaspade · 24/02/2025 20:50

Thank you. I will do that. He is being manipulative by trying to make me feel sorry for him. Like you said, it's his own behaviour that has drove me to dump him. Think I just had a bit of a wobble. I've been doing fine without him.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 24/02/2025 20:51

Absolutely do not take this manipulative tosser back.

Your DS might be a young adult but he’s still your number one priority and any man who has a problem with this needs to fuck off.

This man sounds like a selfish twat. Please don’t allow him back into your life

Gotback · 24/02/2025 20:51

Not a chance. He sounds exhausting. And an arsehole.

Quitelikeit · 24/02/2025 20:52

What is the point?

Why not look for a guy who is nice, kind, caring, adventurous and even solvent?

Why settle?

AcquadiP · 24/02/2025 21:04

"That it's not fair on him to have gone without a hug for over a month and he is lonely."
Altogether now: aaaawwww.

He has a drink problem. He drinks far more than is healthy and he's a twat when he's drinking. And I doubt if either are going to change.

Cut this loser free.

Callsaspadeaspade · 24/02/2025 21:15

I won't. Thank you.

OP posts:
Callsaspadeaspade · 24/02/2025 21:19

I know. I don't look 50 and keep myself well. I'll give myself a break for a while. Hopefully, down the line I'll meet a nice man.

OP posts:
Callsaspadeaspade · 24/02/2025 21:20

He always feels sorry for himself. It was exhausting at times.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 24/02/2025 22:18

Callsaspadeaspade · 24/02/2025 21:19

I know. I don't look 50 and keep myself well. I'll give myself a break for a while. Hopefully, down the line I'll meet a nice man.

Forget about men and concentrate on your child, he hated the last one yet you moved him in.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 24/02/2025 22:20

Sorry skim read your OP and missed that your son was 19...but still, you shouldn't have moved him in regardless

Imbusytodaysorry · 24/02/2025 22:24

@Callsaspadeaspade NO!
Say your goodbye and block and delete.
He sounds awful .

TheseBootsAreWalking · 24/02/2025 22:30

No, no, no please value you, and your son. Whatever your ex is feeding you for you to think of the good in him, its future fakery and false promises. Been there. .Toom my ex back that had been abusive, and let me tell you the abusive behavior escalated and I will never recover mentally from what he did to me.

Read up on Lundy Bankroft, or google types of abusive behavior as your ex is a classic example with what you have written. Love yourself more.

iamnotalemon · 24/02/2025 22:32

No, don't. Put your son first, not this fuckwit.

What does he actually add to your life?

Blackkittenfluff · 24/02/2025 22:33

Can't believe you're asking.
At your age.
I think you need to get some therapy.

Channellingsophistication · 24/02/2025 23:22

So you’re wondering whether to take back the man who uses abusive language to you and who resents your son?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page