Am I in the wrong

[Adviceformee]

Looking for some advice on a dating experience I have had

i chose to not tell my partner in the early stages of us talking that I had slept with someone he knows about 10monthscago , he’s a friend of a friend and I felt uncomfortable admitting this

I believe because I have rejection issues and I explained this and apologised for how it comes across and how I felt was just the fear of admitting this might push him away

any who it’s now be discovered by him through friends I did so he’s very angry and upset mainly with his friends for keeping it from him

but also with me for not being honest

I thought we were in love and had a deep and meaningful connection but he’s chosen to break things off due to trust

he’s said he wouldn’t have been angry if he knew but it’s the lie that the problem for him

the time it happens he was in a relationship with someone else too

what can I do?

Sounds like he’s latched on to it as a convenient excuse to end it

Be very careful that he's not going to come back but use trust issues to keep track of you and to get you to change.

Yeah it does seem like a control thing some what but also I understand he’s upset and feeling let down

I just didn’t think it would cause that sort of reaction from him so I’m left very shocked

This is his problem and you have nothing to feel guilty about. His reaction is OTT and I agree that he may come back with controlling conditions. Don’t fall for it.

You slept with this person before you started seeing DP?
Then it's none of his business and he can stick his trust issues where he likes.
Don't give him a second chance if he comes snivelling back.

Firstly, you did nothing wrong by sleeping with someone he knows of distantly through a friend. This was long before you started dating.

You both have a past. As upsetting as it is, move on. He sounds very immature.

Did you, as you say, simply "cho[o]se not to tell", or did you lie about it in response to a question. The former is fine because you haven't been dishonest. The latter isn't because you were. If he's decided to break things off, then that's his decision.

When he said it’s the lie he’s most worried about, did you lie to him? Did he ask? Or did you just not mention it.

So you slept with this person long before you started going out with your current partner?

Firstly, what business is it of his, and secondly, people do not routinely go out of their way to tell their new partner the names of people they slept with previously, even if that person is known to them.

Has he told you the names of the people he slept with before you?

he asked if I had slept with anyone he knew and I said no, so it was a lie but not like a direct one if that makes sense

I’m going to guess you are very low on confidence have an appalling relationship history and grew up with a dire example of a marriage or relationship in your parents.

Correct?

Why is it so important to him that you slept with someone he only vaguely knew by the sounds of it. Especially when he was in a relationship with someone else. If he hadn't asked such an intrusive and unnecessary question, you wouldn't have felt it necessary to lie. It sounds to me that he's either using this as an excuse to dump you or he's setting you up for total control. Either way, I think you're best off without this sanctimonious arsehole.

Sounds like an excuse to break up while playing the injured party, tbh.

I would be wary if he decides to "forgive" you that it would become a stick to beat you with.

I don't think this is a normal question to ask?!

Sounds like he sees you as a type of possession he's not happy to have been touched before.

As a pp said- watch out for him coming back and using trust issues to control you and mould you into the partner he wants.

I don't think it matters if you are wrong or not in this situation. He doesn't sound like a good relationship option op. Its like immature teenager relationship dynamics. Who you spelt with before isn't such a big issue like this!

That was a direct lie though?

I expect he just feels embarrassed because you lied to him, his other friends knew and he had to hear it from them.

Still not his business, but telling lies to your boyfriend/girlfriend's face isn't really the best way to start a relationship.

I don’t think anyone has a right to ask
such a question. It was before you met.
It is treating you like some sort of object, and he’s concerned about what his friends think.
What if you had vaguely known the girl he was seeing?
You have done nothing wrong.
If you stay with him, he will use this against you on repeat.