Confused and looking for advice

[Worrier84]

The other day at lunch, my husband called our eldest daughter by the name of a girl he works with. They are working friends - only socialise when everyone else from the office goes out, which is rare and I have no reason to believe he's actually doing anything untoward (he's never unusually late etc)

I'm anxious at the minute, possible peri menopause and I can't decide if I'm being a complete idiot, but I just can't stop thinking about how he would get the names mixed up, of why with that name.

Not here for husband hate or anything. I want to ask him, but I feel it's stupid. I have shared an insecurity before about something similar and he was absolutely fine to discuss and allay my fears, so I'm not saying he's some monster I can't talk to. I guess I just don't want to be unreasonable, but I can't get it out of my mind. He hasn't done anything else to make me worry.

It's a difficult one. I can see why you're worried and I'd probably have similar concerns. It may be that there's something between them but equally, it could literally be as simple as he was thinking about something to do with work so accidentally said her name. All you can really do is ask him as no one else will know. Or you let it go for now but just keep an eye on whether there's anything else that concerns you.

It’s a bit odd from a confusion/memory point of view, but I would assume that this colleague is a young woman he often interacts with and calls by name and it slipped out. It wouldn’t at all make me think he’s having an affair, if that’s what you’re implying. It would be pretty f-ing weird to mix up your own daughter and the girl at work you’re shagging. 😳 It would be different if he called you by her name.

I don't think anything has happened, just worried her name is on his mind to the point it has just slipped out. I've only ever mixed up our daughter's names, or another family member if we've all been together. It's just very random. Maybe I'm just being paranoid

My best friend can take up to four name choices to her someone's name right!
She gets her kids names mixed up too.

We can have a conversation like her saying "pick you up at 7pm Julie, Jane, Sandra, dammit sorry Louise I'll pick you up at 7". (Names changed to protect the innocent)

Back to you.
No way he'd get the name of someone he's shagging mixed up with his kids name.
I don't think there is any issue here at all. If anything he sees the colleague like a daughter. Not an equal. So if anything that's good.

Im more concerned that you were insecure in the past and felt like you had to ask him about that. Why do you feel that way?
What's happened in your past to distrust him or men in general?
Perhaps counselling may help you?
The trouble with insecurity is that it destroys both parties trust.

We've been together 13 years and I've had two niggles. Not bad going. I was postpartum and sleep deprived the last time and he stayed in a hotel at short notice after a work do, which he'd never normally do and he'd recently started talking about said girl a little. We talked about it and he said he just wanted a hangover in peace, which I accepted.

I have been cheated on in the past once by a long term partner, maybe that's why it made me doubt. A friend at work has just found out her husband has been shagging a friend for 2 years and it has completely come out of the blue for her. It happens. Doesn't mean it's happened to me, but it happens!