If you transformed your marriage

[Nottsandcrosses]

DH and i are approaching 40, 3 young children, been together since we were 16 and in the thick of it, we are struggling.

The pros are:

We know we are struggling
We want to fix it
We want to be better as a partner
We love each other

The cons for me is i feel attacked by him all the time, ive shutdown and im emotionally closed off.

He feels I hate him and everything he does annoys me.

We had a long talk last night and we are going to make an effort but worry is that even enough now.

Has anyone else been through this and made it work?

So I haven't transformed my marriage but we are working through things. We've had a really rough few years with some big things happen to us in the midst of us having our young children. The toll it took led to constant bickering and resentment building. Like you we discussed things and both wanted to work through it but I was worried we wouldn't be able to get over past resentments. However now I feel like we are getting there, it's not perfect and there are still arguments and problems but we are definitely both making far more of an effort and getting much better at working through things together rather than turning on each other when things get hard. It's taken work and a lot of self-reflection and conscious decision making when it comes to how we respond to things so actually taking the time to think through how we feel about something before just throwing it out there to the other one and potentially saying it in a negative way. I'm definitely feeling stronger as a couple for it so I think it seems to be possible (although maybe check in with me in a couple of years time to see that we are still there with it all) but it takes work from both parties.