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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling trapped in relationship situation

5 replies

frenchfan · 24/02/2025 05:21

Morning, happy Monday! Thanks for listening to this, I feel I can’t talk to anyone IRL about this delicate matter and feeling isolated.

I’m currently trying to move out of partner’s home as tired of the arguing. His parents bought it for him, have been living here for 5 years. They get v involved financially/emotionally with things but luckily don’t live close by.

I have been signed off work and think it’s best to go back for the structure/friendship support. The past 2 weeks have been awful as been arguing about housework things. He then he gets down about himself/not being a father (not something I’m thinking about when signed off?!) and so my time is spent soothing him/trying to maintain the house. He mentions sex a lot which obviously I’m not in the mood for.

His parents phone a lot and he expects me to be all chirpy. I play along but it’s too much. He doesn’t see anyone like friends etc only work and I’ve tried to encourage him with this. I’ve tried to get him to stop drinking but continues each night (2 pints and spirits). It might not seem like much, but there’s no off days. We once went to the Dr about it and he was discharged by this other team. They actually said they’ve seen a lot worse which didn’t help much!

I’ve been trying to set up viewings. I didn’t know whether I should mention all this to employer/Dr when she calls later. Not sure what either could do, I think I just feel isolated with it all and embarrassed. I thought being signed off might be a wake up call but more seems to be expected of me.

Thanks so much for reading. I just feel so alone with it all and tired. I was signed off with work stress and managed to speak to boss and feel better now. I should have been able to rest at home but impossible with the above. I just want my independence back now.

OP posts:
springintoaction321 · 24/02/2025 05:29

I'd be honest with your employer and say you're in the process of splitting up. I'm assuming they will be reasonably kind/sympathetic about it?

But maybe go back to work as it sounds unpleasant at home - and set up some flat viewings asap. Sorry you're going through this, as breaking up is hard, but it sounds like you need to do this

frenchfan · 24/02/2025 05:43

springintoaction321 · 24/02/2025 05:29

I'd be honest with your employer and say you're in the process of splitting up. I'm assuming they will be reasonably kind/sympathetic about it?

But maybe go back to work as it sounds unpleasant at home - and set up some flat viewings asap. Sorry you're going through this, as breaking up is hard, but it sounds like you need to do this

Thanks springintoaction321! How are you? I feel better getting it off my chest as was consuming me. Sorry that was so long winded!

Bless you for posting so early too!

OP posts:
BCBird · 24/02/2025 05:53

Prioritise uou OP. Work gives us structure. Could u go back phased or even stay off till note ends and stay with a friend or family? How about an Airbnb for a short while? Don't allow his lack of friends to negatively affect you maintaining friendships. Good luck OP. Get out for a walk if it's possible.

frenchfan · 24/02/2025 06:25

BCBird · 24/02/2025 05:53

Prioritise uou OP. Work gives us structure. Could u go back phased or even stay off till note ends and stay with a friend or family? How about an Airbnb for a short while? Don't allow his lack of friends to negatively affect you maintaining friendships. Good luck OP. Get out for a walk if it's possible.

Thanks BCBird! How are you? Well, he will be away later in the week. I haven’t gone into any of this as thought it would be unfair with his travels.

When I spoke to work, boss was saying that the work would be reduced as we have a new staff member now so there’s that. Technically sick note won’t end until 10th March - am speaking to GP today as feel it’s too long. I was waiting on a referral for something and she didn’t know how long it would take, but regardless I agree that work provides structure.

OP posts:
Basicbiro · 24/02/2025 07:01

No kids?

pack your bags and leave
go to a friends?
get a rental

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