And this is partly why we are divorcing...

[tellmesomethingtrue]

On discussing how they have been unhappy for a few years, the wife says that every person is responsible for their own happiness in life. If we aren't happy then we have to make changes to ourselves and our own life.

The man replies and says to his wife: 'but as my wife, you are partially responsible for my happiness. I can't give myself a blowjob or fuck myself.'

Any thoughts on this remarkable insight from my STBEXH?

Eww!

Actually I think he should go fuck himself.

Well, Bob, you're responsible for being the kind of man who makes me want to fuck him, aren't you.

Ex wife doesn’t have the same role though, sooo…

How disgusting. What a pig.

It’s not the best example and it’s a very crude way of saying it, but I agree that the sentiment of “we are each responsible for our own happiness” can be over sold. Of course I have a responsibility to the people around me. Of course my actions and words affect others and may impact their happiness.

If he was unhappy then yes he had a responsibility to understand why, what would need to change, what would help him. Maybe he would conclude that one cause of his unhappiness was related to his sex life. It would be appropriate to bring this up with his wife and reasonable to expect that she engages in honest discussion about whether and how things might be improved there. She does have a role to play in his happiness. Not saying she should put his needs above her own, but it wouldn’t be right for her to shut down the discussion at that point and just say it’s up to him to be happy regardless. She is responsible for his happiness, to an extent.

Of course, if he’s sat on his arse for years stewing about the lack of sex but having not a single tiny thought about what his wife might find attractive or how he might gently broach the subject with her, then he deserves less than zero sympathy.

Tell him to take yoga or pilates classes and then he can go ..... himself.

He's since told me that he'd drunk 4 or 5 beers when he told me this.

How is he at cunnilingus?

He's shown you that he thinks you're his blowup doll.

Is it possible to expedite the divorce?

First he blamed you for his unhappiness.

Now he’s blamed alcohol for his words.