Has anyones dh had a complete change of career? Has it made you and him happier?

[Lilliput]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but I do feel as though dh's unhappiness with his career is really affecting our relationship and his relationship with our children. I sometimes think he should have a complete change of career but also think he may be onw of those people who is never 'happy'. He has a very negative outlook on life and this is really hard to live with.
I'm rambling.
So, has anyone dh had a complete career change in their late 30's early 40's and what was the affect on your lives?

I think he is just one of those people who are never really happy.
I would really love him to find a new direction, take a risk of some sort.

My DH is going through this atm. He has just turned 39 and has decided that he has had enough of driving other people around for a living. His desire to change careers has been a bit of an ongoing thing over the last 2/3 years. He even went back to college to do maths and english gcse's but although he passed the english first time, he has paid to do the maths twice and then refuses to do the exams .

He wants to get into insurance but is now talking about me going out to work and him staying at home. He too can be quite negative about life and it does tend to get me down at times too. I thought being at uni myself would help motivate him, but he is now saying that as I am halfway through my teacher training, I should carry on and he will stay at home. I have no probs with this, but don't think it would hurt for him to have a little bit of ambition.

I know for a fact that him changing his jobs would make everyone happy, but he is a creature of habit and often lacks motivation to change things. It is sooo frustrating.

DS gave up his teaching job last summer to become a web designer.He works from home and claims to be much happier but I'm certainly not It's fab that he can pick up and take DS to school, but he just works and works and works and doesn't seem to be bringing in that much money

My husband has had a big career change and it made himand memuch happier.

Mine got clinically depressed when DD was close to a year old and I was coming to the end of my mathernity leave. We were in the fortunate position (no mortgage) of not needing two incomes so he quit and took on the full time parenting role. It's been fabulous. Not only has he had the time to recover and reconsider his career, but he has also developed an incredibly close relationship with his daughter. He's now at the point of trying to go back to work, having reconsidered his career path, and has found it has been no barrier to him going back to work. He had an interview yesterday and he reported that the interview panel seemed quite impressed by his decision to be a SAHD.

What did he change from and to, Bridie?

What made my DH (who owns his own business and works every hour possible) much more cheerful was making a positive effort to rediscover doing things he enjoyed.

He has got a motorbike again, and also joined a sports club and got into local music scene a bit, and is definitely much happier. I think it is because it is things just for him and for enjoyment, we all need a bit of fun.

Career might not be the entire problem.

He has always worked very long and anti-social hours that other than food ( he's a chef) I don't think he really knows what he likes to do. I know he feels very duty bound to spend the little time off with me and kids.

IKWYM it's hard when there is not much time off. is that the problem or is he just totally fed up with catering industry?

At the age of 44, in 2005 DH gave up his very well paid job of 28 years (he was one of only 4 people in the country that could do his job). He took six months off while the court case re; GS finished and then we moved to Cornwall. He did a few temp jobs from January 2006 to May when he landed his current job as a maintenance manager on a holiday site.

In his previous job, he worked around 70 hours a week (7 days a week - some years not even taking a single day off), travelled a lot, spent days away from home, and genuinely believed that he was happy; even though I earned over £26,000 a year, he was obsessive about what he saw as 'providing' -and he refused to ease up (in reality, the majority of the time he was a miserable, knackered old shit).

In his current job, he works 8.00a.m. to 5.00 p.m., apart from June, July, and August, when he works 8.00 a.m. til 10.00 p.m. ; Has a couple of days a week off (drops to 1 day in the summer) and earns about a quarter of what he did previously - and I don't work at all, but am retraining with another career in mind).

Admittedly the money situation could be better and we do live literally on the breadline over the winter months, but we are both so much happier and we both get to see GS grow up (ours had the nanny and we didnt realise how much we had missed out on). Plus whilst we might be skint - we get to be skint sitting on the beach or walking in beautiful countryside.

That sounds fab. We are skint already which is part of Dh's malaise.Long hours for piss poor money. But next year I start a degree to become a midwife so hopefully in 4 years time I will be starting on a new career myself.
There are some great plus points to our life. We live in the coutryside in a great community with a good school and a network of family. But a rural life often means a lack of opportunity and choice of career especially for my dh. He only knows how to be a chef, and he is a bloody good one too, but the slog of catering doesn't always make him happy.

yes and no.

H had a very successfull career running his own business but at 42 invested all his money in a new venture.

subsequently had a mental breakdown due to business not doing so well plus some other major factors.

we seperated (well he went awol and never returned to the family home), he became very ill with depression, lost the business and lost the house.

12 months later he started working in another industry and has had another job in the same industry for the last 7 months. both jobs very high stress and not at all secure as very volatile industry.

he has battled his depression often taking 2 steps forward, 1 step back. contact has been sporadic and support virtually non existant for me and dd. he has maintained financial responsibility since he's been working again.

in the last fortnight he has made the decision to go back into his original field and set up in business for himself again. he acknowledges that whilst it is boring and holds little challenge for him it is something he is very very good at and once established lucrative with an good work/life balance.

i am relieved and really really wish him well and that he succeeds. tbh if he fails at this it will probably be the end of him as this is one area he has always done well in.

I think he had a complete mid-life crisis and meltdown. there were other factors and i think he just wanted to completely change his life which he did hurting a lot of people in the process.

i really hope he's back on track and that we can have a future as friends and co-parents now.

joash, it is my/our dream to relocate to cornwall (or NZ!) but my job is quite specialised and there's really no work in that area for me. i have no other skills especially and as I am approaching 42 don't have the time/energy/inclination to retrain as i am also a single parent.

totally agree that being on the breadline is compensated by your location.

really glad that things are working out for you guys, good luck with your retraining.

Paddlechick666 - DH's job was extremely specialised, hence a total career change to find work down here. And the main reason that I am retraining is that there isn't a single job down here that I am qualified or exprienced in. So, as for "...approaching 42 don't have the time/energy/inclination to retrain..." POPPYCOCK (as my grandma used to say ) I wish I was 42!! By the time I am a fully qualified chartered psychologist I will be in my early 50's

If you want somehting enough, there's always a way and struggling in a place that you really want to be is so much better than being well-off and unhappy/unsettled/ etc.

Joash, yep you're very right and I guess if I really wanted it at this moment in time then I would make it happen.

I am very conscious of my responsibility as a single parent tho. H has been so erratic over the last 3yrs that I feel a lot of pressure to ensure I can put a roof over dd's head.

I'm kinda hoping that H will come good over the next couple of years and when dd starts school I might be able to go part time and retrain then.

I so wish I'd listened to my elders when I was in my teens wrt professsional training! I can't complain tho, my job has enabled me to have a wonderful life thru my pre-child years and I have travelled and lived overseas.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for what you and your dh have accomplished especially wrt GDS.