Split up but not upset?

[Mumma22tweens]

I haven’t had many relationships, late school boyfriend, then my husband for 18 years and a new relationship of 3 years. Dates in between but anyway…..
recently ended relationship with my boyfriend, I have children, we didn’t live together. Lots of issues, stonewalling, couple of issues with my kids, he’d never apologise if in the wrong but “agree to disagree”. It ended quite suddenly on Monday and I accept I handled it badly. But lots of issues he was aware of and deflected onto me.
I haven’t really cried. Only when explaining to friends what has happened. He’s dumped my stuff out the back of my house and sent some quite nasty message but nothing since Tuesday. I’ve today taken him off my social media. I thought he would’ve but hadn’t and there was a cryptic passive aggressive post today so to stop myself looking and moving on I’ve deleted him.
im wondering is this shock, relief, will it kick in down the line, am I actually ok and realise I’m better off without him? My kids are not bothered, they’ve taken it really really well. Too well if you get me! Anyway. Is it always tears and heartache or ok that I seem ok?

Might take a while to hit you. Might take a while to process everything and sort out your true emotions??

Be prepared but on the other hand, if you are not completely unhappy about it now or in the coming months, you’ll get over it and move on.
Might be best to avoid a new relationship for a bit? Time to heal, climb higher and enjoy the view.

(Edited for typos)

Thank you.
Yes I think you’re right, on reflection I think I rushed a relationship after my divorce. Fearful of being on my own I think, but now I am definitely going to take my time. I like what you said “climb higher and enjoy the view”

You’re processing what’s happened so it may not hit you straight away. That’s ok.
When I separated from my husband I was relieved. I never went through the anger/grieving process. I did that during my marriage. The emotions may change later but you’ve done what’s right for you so focus on yourself and your children and work out what you want your life to look like. Best of luck.

I’ve just had a cry. Had a really nasty message off him because I took him off my social media. Things like, you think you know someone but you don’t, I’ve damaged a family (as his kids are upset) and he resents me. Also that he wishes he’d never introduced them to me. I’ve risen above all the hurtful stuff in the week that he’s sent. But I don’t think any of that is fair. God it’s hard isn’t it!

Why can he still contact you? Block him. This isn’t helpful to you. He should have access to make you feel like this.

I think you will be fine and your kids are fine because their senses told them he was clearly not right.
And God save us from the social popcorn posters - what does he want a load of 2011 style ‘you ok hun?’ replies?
Block him. His kids may be upset because you are a decent person, they will miss your company and are now stuck with their moaning arse of a father.
He sounds absolutely grim.
Be fine, block and keep away. Using his own kids is pathetic.

I think you’re right. My children cried because they wouldn’t see his kids again. The next day it was like he never existed. I was close to his children, and I will miss them. But the relationship was not right at all. I’ve ignored so many red flags over the past year and put up with behaviour I should never have accepted. A weight and horrible anxiety feels like it’s lifted this week. Thank you xx

PP is right, and kids are resilient. His kids will miss you but they’ll be ok.
My ex’s DD and mine got on so well and I care about her, but not at the expense of having to put up with her dad’s behaviour towards me.
Kids learn to expect what they see and I would never want my DD (or his)to end up with a man like my ex. They’re all better off without us together.

You’re absolutely right. Some behaviours in front of my children, I would not want them to tolerate. I’m respected by their father, post divorce. This one would make fun of me in front of my children as a “joke” but on a couple of occasions my son would jump to my defense. I’m only using that as a quick example to your point, and unacceptable. He’s a wonderful young man my boy and knows how his mum should be treated. Thank you for replying xx