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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling lost

4 replies

Highlandcoo5 · 22/02/2025 17:00

Not sure if I am being unreasonable or not and I am interested to get your thoughts. I have been married to my husband for 2 years and we live with my 2 kids from my first marriage, one does not get on with my husband which causes me great amounts of anxiety, however I am becoming increasingly more and more annoyed, frustrated not really sure what as my husband does not help around the house at all. He makes supper for me and him every night not the kids as my oldest gets his own and my youngest never wants to eat what we are having. I do all the washing, cleaning, emptying bins etc all household chores otherwise nothing would get done, every time I ask him to help he just replies get your kids to do it. He won’t even come to collect the weekly grocery shopping with me. It is really beginning to irritate me to point that I find myself not talking to him at all which I know is not the way to deal with it.

Most evenings my husband will consume multiple beers and at times nips, I told him that this is not on especially during the week when we are both working the next day, now at weekends he will drink a whole case of beer and sometimes half a bottle of vodka as he says he is relaxing after a hard week. I am not really a drinker so I find this really hard to deal with. I am now at the point of questioning what to do cos I don’t want to feel like this any longer.

i have to add he was not like this when we met and he got on with both my children however had a go at the oldest and his friends one night when he was drunk a few years ago which is why they no longer speak.

OP posts:
Bittenonce · 22/02/2025 18:01

So of the 4 people in your house, 3 do whatever they want. I’m not surprised the 4th is feeling lost and frustrated.
The drinking is an issue that needs to be addressed- if this doesn’t happen you can’t deal with anything else properly.
If that can be arrested then you stand a chance of getting everyone to work, talk, eat together. But it needs all 4 and you’ll only get that to happen if you and DH are singing from the same hymn sheet to start with, and you address all the issues not just him.

Highlandcoo5 · 22/02/2025 18:43

Not sure you understood my point. The issue is my husband does not help me at all around the house and would happily sit on the sofa and watch me clean the house top to bottom etc, this is the frustrating thing along with his drinking at weekends. Perhaps I anm just being over sensitive, the eating as a 4 will not happen as my eldest is out most nights with his partner and my youngest does a lot of sports so eats a different times.

OP posts:
Garlicgarlicgarlic · 22/02/2025 18:56

You can't be with a slovenly misogynist who openly hates your kids.
Did the man attack your son a few years ago? He should have been dumped long ago.

Bittenonce · 22/02/2025 19:45

Highlandcoo5 · 22/02/2025 18:43

Not sure you understood my point. The issue is my husband does not help me at all around the house and would happily sit on the sofa and watch me clean the house top to bottom etc, this is the frustrating thing along with his drinking at weekends. Perhaps I anm just being over sensitive, the eating as a 4 will not happen as my eldest is out most nights with his partner and my youngest does a lot of sports so eats a different times.

I understand. He drinks too much - not a great correlation with high levels of energy or logical communication. He makes some small effort for the 2 of you - cooking meals - but he’s damned if he’s going to lift a finger doing anything that also benefits your kids who share the house but don’t communicate with him or lift a finger themselves, right?
There’s a cycle that needs to be broken

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