If your partner said this....

[Icantcontinuetodothis]

I just want to get some of everyone's thoughts. I can't say much my situation is outing. I have 2 dcs. Boyfriend has 0 and doesn't want his own. Together a year. Mostly great apart from he's been single 8 years and seemly doesn't know how to communicate as if he were in a relationship and visits the pub more often than I'd like and gets absolutely hammered.

Anyway, my world's upside down at the moment, again can't say much but a few weeks ago my life changed dramatically and I'm facing a hard challenging time, probably the most broken I've ever been in my 33 years and I'm literally on my arse mentally physically and emotionally.
I have no support at all my family are shit and my friends are few and far between....

Anyway, I know this is hard without context, we had a little disagreement and I asked if he would chat after work yesterday to figure it out nothing major, he fell asleep, today he's been busy at work and we have barley spoke, I tried to ring him at lunch but he didn't answer and didn't reply to my message assumed he was busy at work still, at 8 I rang him and he answered, clearly in the pub, he confirmed he was at the pub and that he had just finished and had gone for a pint which then changed to finished at 6 and gone for a pint and then changed to just nipped into the pub for a pint on the way home I just said oh ok speak later then... I messaged him as I was upset, (today is the day my restraining order ends with my very abusive ex (dd dad) and I'm worried about the future along other things going on) saying I'm abit upset he didn't ring me once he finished work to iron out our little disagreement basically to which he replied "oh sorry I'm a bad guy. Just remember I'm the only one who's been there for you"

And now I'm sat here feeling like I've been kicked in the gut.

What the hell. Why does he have to do that? Yes I'm alone I get it thank you for pointing out your the only one who's been there for me for a year and now seemly I'm on my own again.

Am I being sensitive or is this really shitty....?

I think you should be single.

Yep - surely being single has to be better than this shitshow.

He's not acting like you are a priority for him, or like your happiness is important to him. I'm really sorry OP 💐

Not wanting to kick you when you are obviously down, but you are in another relationship with a shitty man.

To answer your question, there are many reasons why this type of man does this, none of them good. Lundy Bancroft wrote a book xalled "Why Does He Do That?" you might find it helpful to read it.

Did you receive any help after your last abusive relationship ended? Women's Aid have very good resources to support women in your situation. Please contact them or one of the other organisations for women experiencing abuse. You can get through this, but please think carefully about ending your current relationship. No one should treat you this way. Being single is a perfectly acceptable option and preferable to an abusive partner.

Agree with the previous replies.

He's behaving like he's still single and that you're nothing more than a fuck buddy to him.

His reply about being the bad guy but remember he's been there for you is absolute deflection bollocks. He knows he's a shit boyfriend and trying to pin that on you.

Dump him. Please.

I hope your other problems sort themselves out and don't rely on him for support. He's shown you where his priorities lie (in the pub).

Sorry OP, it's obvious you are not getting the respect or support you need from your boyfriend at this time.
It's clear you are not his priority in that he's chosen to avoid you and go drinking instead of supporting you.
You have every reason to feel upset that he hasn't found time to be there for you on such a difficult day when you are almost certainly feeling vulnerable. If he can't show kindness towards you knowing it's the day the restraining order against your ex ends then it really doesn't bode well for your future together.
You say things are mostly great but they really don't sound it. His last comment alone shows you who he is. I'd be reconsidering your relationship, he doesn't sound a caring partner or a good role model for your children.

Thank you everyone.... he clearly hasn't even remembered what today is to me today even though I've been a wreck leading up to it plus some massive significant huge bad life events with my ds recently and other things.

I did have some therapy following abusive ex (dd dad) however I was in a kind of suck it up buttercup 2 disabled kids no support kind of mess so had to get on with it and deal...kind of like now.

I grew up with alcoholic parents so regular pub visits coupled with getting wasted 9 time out of 10 he goes is a massive no for me but he did improve on that after we spoke about it but clearly tonight the pub took priority over me.

Maybe this is why he's nearlly 40 been single for 8 years and currently is living back with his mother with no plans to move out (again another ick but he made out he was saving for a mortgage, found out recently he isn't because he isn't even on the books at his brother's company who he works for - no trace of working history ever 🙄)

Ahh well... least I know you guys think he's one for the bin as well as I do I just never trust my judgment anymore and this has helped.
Thank you

Just get rid and choose better partners or be on your own. You and your kids don’t need another shit show relationship

If he wanted to he would

He doesn't sound very supportive OP. Probably not a keeper.

It does honestly sound like you'd be better off without him. Can you really see a future with someone who's main hobby is going to the pub, drinking excessively and is unable to communicate with you in a mature and sensitive way? I think he's not the sort of person you want around your dc. Dump the loser and find someone who treats you well.

Honestly, dump him.

And going forward, you need to be really selective about men. A cocklodger loves a single mother! You have secure housing, and there’s a ‘well she’s got to feed the kids every night, so one more plate of dinner for me is easy!’ Kind of mentality.

Be single and invest in yourself.

Morning everyone thanks for all your responses!

No word from him this morning, his 1 pint ended up in several as it always does and last time we spoke before the "im the only 1 there for you" crap he was slurring away and told me to fuck off and hung up on me (then I got the bullshit message) so I'm just not going to message or say anything. If he speaks to me then I'll tell him it's done and I deserve better than being spoken to like that.

Thanks all for validating me last night. I do feel abit sad but I had my reservations about him from the start hence why haven't really gone all in..

Time to invest in me and my mental health and obviously as always my dcs

The first paragraph of your post was bad enough to leave him. Then he sounded worse and worse!

I'd dump him.

I hope everything else starts improving for you.

Onward and upwards OP, you will find life so much better without him! Yes concentrate on yourself and your children, that's what's important. Don't waste your energy having to second guess some useless man who minimises your concerns and prioritises alcohol over you. Have some counselling to support your mental health and to help you to keep your boundaries high. Do not let him back in or fall for his promises as no doubt he will try to come back! All the best to you.

Thank you and all the best to all of you lot too 🥰 we deserve happiness and security x