How to revive sex life? Low confidence

[Cosmossss]

So backstory, me and Dh met when I was 19 he was 25. Had DS1 at 22 had DS2 at 24.

I have always had low confidence but pre Dc we had more of an active sex life (normal as we had more time alone etc) I am low confidence and DH is a bit lower sex drive id say? And I know he’s not cheating before those comment start! He wfh 5 days a week, and shares his location on find my friends😂 when he’s not with us he’s at the gym or hiking (kids in nursery and I’m working he doesn’t just abandon us he takes a/L) . I doubt he’s cheating on me on a mountain😂

so since my pregnancy with DS2. Our sex life took a hit. It went from minimal to now pretty much nothing yet but - DS2 just turned 1 and is more confident! He wouldn’t go to anyone before but a month in nursery he’s thriving so I think he’d be ok staying at nans with his older brother (3yo)

but I have no confidence. I lost weight as I breastfed and I’m 5’6 so feel so tall and thin? When I lose weight because of my longer legs I just seem so thin so many people have commented on my weight loss. I used to have a bit more on me and looked loads better so that’s affecting my confidence but I can’t gain weight. I eat so much and it just seems to go! I do have our boys Mondays and Fridays so I am running around those days but I am just so low on confidence.

How do I revive our sex life? DH has been w*nking to relieve himself, I don’t have a huge sex drive I am tired low confidence etc but I do want to be close to my husband, to have that time again and feel sexy as he never struggles to do that ! He’s been so patient and I want to be close again but I recluse and feel vile and xlose the blinds turn the lights off and cover up and then someone wakes and cries hah
we have a child free night soon, how do I help myself ?

Id try weight lifting. Build a bit of muscle (and a bum) might make you feel sexier. It will also boost testosterone hormones which are linked to an increased sex drive.

You've got nothing to lose really as if it does nothing for your sex life it's good for your health x

If you could make your child-free night in a different environment, away from home and away from your normal routine, IME that would be very beneficial. Even better if you could stretch it to 2 nights?

Time, rest, back strokes, hugs - with no other expectations can be hugely relaxing, and lead on gently to where you want to go.

Thanks I have just actually got a gym membership! So I will be focusing on this. I want to feel good body/mind overall and I have a slightly perky bum but building muscle on it may make me feel sexy?

thanks for the tips. Currently my mum will trial 1 night with both kids. She’s nervous as my youngest used to scream if I wasn’t nearby! Very attached which is so normal but eldest is a bit more confident. Just a little difference so currently it’s 1 night out. If it goes well hopefully soon could book a little short break?

The more sex you have, the more sex you want. This will pick up again for you both. Start small. How affectionate are you outside of the bedroom? We got in a bit of a rut where we were both too tired and stressed to initiate anything and nobody was giving off any signals that it was on the table so neither of us were giving the green light. Have you discussed this with DH? I discussed with mine after a dry spell and he was just not going there because he thought i wasn't interested.

With kids it is often last thing on your mind. Try a bit more physical touch during the day. A hug, kiss, arm around the waist. Give him a lingering snog. See where that goes. It doesnt have to be all sexy lingerie. It's those little moments of physical closeness that gets the fire burning.

This is such a good point because tbh we’re not touchy feely! When i breastfed our youngest I just felt touched out so i never gave affection and we were both shattered from 2 young kids so it fell of the radar a bit and now it’s minimal